Hello. I’m Lizzy the Lezzy, and those of you who know me will know that I pride myself on knowing the ins and outs of vaginas and keeping up to date with twat trends. It turns out that the Brazilian wax is sooo 2009, and there’s a new minge movement towards going “completely bare with flair”, otherwise known as “Vajazzling”.
When I first heard about vajazzling I was intrigued – I found it hard to imagine why anyone would want to cover their clitoris with crystals, especially Jennifer Love Hewitt who claims to have got vajazzled in order to feel better about herself after a break up. But on delving deeper into the true art of vajazzling and learning how to vajazzle my vag, I realize that there’s nothing to be scared of and that the crystals are actually vajazzled onto the outside of one’s freshly waxed bare bikini area. Or, if you’re not into the sparkling look, you can have graffiti painted on instead.
I can’t wait for this trend to catch on. Imagine your surprise when you peel off your lover’s panties and are delightfully dazzled by a vagazzled pubis! I’m hoping women will be so proud of their sexy sparkling snatches that they will start showing off their crotch creations to each other:
“Yay, I just got vajazzled!”
“Oh wow, really?!”
“Yeah! Wanna see?” Drops panties.
Of course, there are endless possibilities for the future of vajazzling. How about edible crystals or sratch ‘n’ sniff graffiti paint? How about sticking a fresh flower on it, or eyes and a nose? Will there be national competitions for the most attractive vajazzled vag? Will having a vajazzled vag be a yes/no option to fill out on your Facebook profile? Or will a crystal accidentally fall off and choke some poor cunny lover to death and will that put an end to vajazzling forever, starting a “Stop sparkly stuff – bring back the muff!” revolution?
Of course, if you’re too much of a pussy to get your vag vajazzled, you can always get vajazzled underwear instead.
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