Top 10 Halloween Costume FAILS

by stark. raving. mad. mommy.   You can vote for her on the Babble site, she is #6 down the page at the moment. It just takes a click. http://www.babble.com/babble-50/mommy-bloggers/nominate-a-blogger/

It has been a gradual slide into the complete whorification of Halloween, but we’re there. Almost everything is “sexy” now, even things just aren’t even sexy. Like bugs. And Mrs. Potato Head. And fruit. And the things that aren’t sexy? Are baffling.

Even bugs are whorey now. Also, the model looks like she just farted.

Oh, nothing says sexy like a cartoon character that lives in the sewer with a decrepit rat sensei. There are so many things wrong with this costume. First of all, it doesn’t even look like a turtle. Second of all, is there a new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle movie out or something? Because the last time I heard anything about those guys was circa 1990. Thirdly, and most importantly, this costume was in the “International Costumes” section. What, because they were “ninjas”? Those things lived in New York City. Geography / Timeliness / Sexy / Remotely-Looking-Like-Character FAIL.

 

Wow. This costume manages to be offensive on so many levels. I think even fans of the Atlanta Braves / Cleveland Indians / Florida State Seminoles / Washington Redskins would find this disgusting. Cultural understanding FAIL.

 

I’m not a religious person, and even I know this is appalling. Plus? Nuns would wear black tights. Duh. Bible Fashion Study FAIL.

Dude, I don’t know what kind of Halloween party you’re going to, but that pacifier is kind of, um, scary. You look like the worst ad for Axe cologne ever. Duckface + anatomically difficult pacifier + shaved chest = creeping me the hell out. Pouty model FAIL.

What kind of weird fetish does one have to have to find this sexy? Let’s psychoanalyze this one, mmkay? So … not enough potatoes as a child? Not enough toys as a child? How about not enough positive female role models as a child. Yeah … that one. Let’s go with that one. Toy Story Cross-Marketed Merchandise FAIL.

Wow, this costume is three-dimensional! Which is helpful, because I was tired of my kid being all two-dimensional. What kind of costume, exactly, isn’t three-dimensional? Flat Stanley? Geometry FAIL.

 

“Of course you’re beautiful, honey, now let me put this giant paper bag over your head.” Child self-esteem FAIL.

“Robyn Da Hood.” Get it? She like an historical fictional character and she’s a whore. Bonus! She steals from the rich and gives to the poor. If by “steals from the rich” you mean knocks you out, steals your kidneys, and you wake up in a bathtub full of ice in the morning. And by “gives to the poor” you mean transmits venereal disease. Mixed metaphor FAIL.

Sexual harassment fruit! Hilarious. You’ll definitely want to wear this one to the neighborhood party. Chicks totally dig the witty double entendre. Nothing says “Hey, let’s check to see if there’s any registered sex offenders in our neighborhood” like an angry-looking, sexually aggressive fruit. Chick magnet FAIL.

Those were just the costume FAILS. For the Ten Halloween Costumes she HATES, click here.

Comments

  1. BWAHAHAHAHAHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Your remarks made my day! Finally, lady with some COMMON SENSE.

    That banana costume is INSANE. All the others make me sneer, but that one is frightening. Not only because there are idjit Americans who would actually wear it, but that there are merchants who actually MAKE it and EXPECT Americans to BUY it and wear it.

    Frightening!

    Happy Reformation Day on the 31st!

Trackbacks

  1. [...] An oldie but a goodie: Top 10 Costume Fails [Funny Not Slutty] [...]

  2. [...] it gives me great joy to present a post by another fellow blogger, stark.raving.mad.mommy and her terrific post featured on the Funny Not Slutty blog network. In the post, s.r.m.m goes ballistic over the sexualization of [...]

Speak Your Mind

*