When Someone You Love Has A Blog……

Alexandra Schultze Humorist
by Alexandra Schultze

This is Part I of a 3-Part Series covering “Living with a Blogger.”  DISCLAIMER:  My husband had nothing to do in any way with the  *inspiration* for this post. 

Loving someone who has a blog can be challenging, even confusing at times. There are so many elements of the unknown and unfamiliar, and you may feel at a loss as to what is happening to the one you chose, years ago.

Here, I have prepared a basic guide of how to speak to, and understand your blogger loved one. My hope is to help you interpret various states of mind, and behaviors of a blogger, so that you may provide the blogger you love with the in-real-life support and assurance they need.

Remember,  the person you love is still in there, and they’d love to share their world with you. Be patient, and understand, that the blogosphere they enter is entirely real, and actually does make them happier, and more productive in the end. Though, bloggers don’t measure “productive” in quite the same way as the rest of the world does.

~ When your blogger asks, “how did you like my post today?” Do not answer, “it was like an academy award speech, where they have to start the music up.”  Not a good answer. Better answer? “I thought it was great.”

~ When your blogger begins to speak of  people with names like “Momtothree” and “HouseofMouse,” do not ask her why in the world grown women would give themselves nicknames like that, instead say, “hmm…tell me who they are again.” Much better.

~ Do not suggest that she have T shirts or custom sticky notes made up of her site header for $5.00 each, and then sell them to her readers for $20.00 each and that if she sells only 5 of them, then that’s at least more money than she’s made thus far from her blog. Not a good idea.

~ Realize that your blogger’s mood will become quite manic and hang wringingish if she has posted an hour ago, and nary a comment has come in yet. Do NOT mention her agitation. Instead, be helpful and ask her if perhaps she has not checked “allow comments” under post options. This will make her feel better, and you will be considered as quite helpful.

~ If, the bloggy gods smile upon her, and decide to bless her with upwards of 20 comments within an hour of posting, realize that she will cackle in frenzied delight, and may not be able to tear herself away from the screen at this time. Gently, without startling her, keep an eye on her. This is a dangerous state of mind to enter, and the household may go without food while she is in this whipped frenzy.

~ If your blogger appears to be more jumpy than usual, casually prod for answers. The most likely cause is a “stalker.” She will need to be held at this time, and be allowed to talk. Coax any anxiety out of your loved one, and listen without wagging a finger in her face of how you told her that the internet world is a public world and she knew this when she got into this and now is not the time to act surprised when this type of thing happens when you let her know this possibility existed and of how….ahem, um, just be supernice to her at this time.

~ If your blogger suddenly bursts into tears after going to the comment moderation page and reading a comment there, DO NOT ask her to repeat what she has just read. Please. It just made her burst into tears.Your blogger has just been “trolled.” This is a delicate situation. Instead, kindly and lovingly pick their crumpled form up from the floor, then show you care by reading the comment for yourself.  Afterward, announce in a firm voice that the world is full of idiots and stupid people who wouldn’t recognize good writing if it hit them in the head with a 2×4. Ask her to visualize this. Then tell her you neglected to let her know that you thought that her post today was the most brilliant thing she’s ever written. Tonight would be a good night to offer take out. 

~ Do not ask her if she knows what her numbers are, how many new followers she has, what google analytics or sitemeter shows, and when she anticipates getting paid for the hours she puts in behind the keyboard. She is blogging for connection, not bucks. Realize this is her hobby, much like someone who spends time reading, or exercising, or any of the other things she used to do (ahem.)

~ Lord help you if she discovers an unrequited bloggy love commenting on other sites. Clearly, the blogger she’s been crushing on knows how to use the “post a comment” button. Get out of the house. Now. Gather the children, and get out of the house. 

~ Her friends are real to her, Do Not call them “invisible” because you do not see them. They’re there.

Above everything: remember that your beloved blogger needs tender care and understanding. She puts herself out there everyday for viewing, judging, transparency, and vulnerability.

Takes cajones to do that. So, show her the love.

Part II:”Danger signs to watch for”, Part III: “Pulling Your Blogger Back From The Brink.”  It can happen to the best of us. 

Alexandra is a Caterer to the Stars in her small Wisconsin town, meaning she serves the likes of the President of the Pork Association and the Blue Ribbon Winner of the County’s Tri-Color Corn Competition. She keeps a humor blog with her 8 year old son at http://www.gooddayregularpeople.com/. Alexandra also lives with 3 other males, which is not as sexy as it sounds.

Comments

  1. Thank you so much for allowing me to be here, Jacki! I have long hoped and dreamed of making you laugh!!

    It is truly a thrill, and now, the best part: I can coast the rest of the year.

    Thank you!!

  2. This was fantastic!!!

  3. HILARIOUS! Loved this series. I still need to print this out and hand it to my husband.

  4. Oh my lord, do I love and relate to every single word of this. Except Husbandrinka knows better than to suggest that I sell T-shirts with my logo. Nooses, maybe.

  5. Just so you know, I’m printing this out to give to my husband, and quite possibly family and friends.

    My favorite is the blog names :)

  6. This is the best post I’ve read in months! It’s funny because it’s true!

  7. When you choose to be funny, you hit it out of the park, girl!

    congrats!!!

  8. ~ Realize this is her hobby, much like someone who spends time reading, or exercising, or any of the other things she used to do (ahem.)

    That little “ahem”? Hilarious. Along with the rest of this post.

    Carry on.

  9. My husband SO needs to read this! Great to see you here! Congrats.

  10. And for the love of Pete, do NOT complain of being IGNORED by wife as she peruses the blogs of her liking whilst watching men in tights run around, smacking each other on the bottom (football, duh…) with your hand thrust down you shorts!

    Tee Hee!

  11. I will shout it from the mountaintops. I LOOOVE this woman!!!! And every word of it is true. I’m so glad I’m not the only other social network blogger Ho. You make me feel a little more normal. And I really never feel normal, so that’s good.

  12. I remember this so fondly. Always good for a 2nd read or maybe 6 times the charm.

  13. You’ve rubbed elbows with the President of the Pork Association? Dude won’t give me the time of day. (He actually just cups his hands around his pork grease-slicked lips and bellows “It’s pork time!”, which is not an answer.) Alexandria, this post is perfect. Love it.

  14. Alexan-dra. Dra. I’m a maroon. Sorry about that. Arghh; that’s embarrassing.

  15. Wait a minute! You have household residents who read your blog? Mine run screaming; much less comment. Of course, now that I can say that I brag about following one so famous as you; having rubbed elbows with the prize o’ pig; I mean “President of Pork Producers”… they might be impressed enough to stick around and pay attention. After all; “Nothing goes better with bacon.”

    Unless, your typing. No one wants greasy keyboards. I mean really!

  16. This..You…I mean…

    I couldn’t love you more!

    …but somehow I do every time I read another post (-:

  17. I love all of my invisible friends. Except when a lamp gets broken. Then one will get thrown under the bus.

    But not you Alexandra. Never you!!

    XO – A

  18. Awesome post! Everything is totally true!!

  19. Hilarious and so true!

  20. i love you my hispanic fair blog mama. love you. :)

  21. Yes…yes…a thousand times, YES. Perhaps our loved ones could form a support group? And use this series as their self-help manual. Just tackle one item a day, and they’ll be trained…er…informed…in no time.

  22. I’m printing out copies for binding and distribution.

    My family needs to know these things.

  23. There’s a great deal of truthiness in this post!

  24. Oh, my husband’s grateful for my blogging. It helps our marriage. We talk less and I pay less attention to him and he doesn’t get his meals on time. It’s really helped build a strong foundation for us.

  25. Brilliant!! DH is pretty supportive, and is definitely web savvy so he knows all about trolls…but I still think this is worthy of a print-out! ;-)

  26. I’m making my hubby read this. That’s another thing to add.

    Anything witty the blogger finds on the Internet, you must also read and praise the blogger for being so insightful as to find this witty post. Then assure the blogger she is an even more witty writer than this person.

  27. I love these. Patrick did a no-no the other night and asked how many followers I had. I went into a long spiel about how my numbers don’t REALLY reflect my popularity and is it really about the popularity, anyway? Don’t I write to enjoy the process? Why the pressure?!? AHHHHH!!! Poor guy didn’t know what was happening to me. And we were in the car so he couldn’t escape the madness, either. Heh.

  28. Love,love you! Not at all in a stalkyish way, probably…(don’t block me!)
    and I’m forwarding this to the husband, multiple times :) (also I kinda want a GDRP tee shirt now

  29. Why is he always asking when I’ll earn money?? As if being the Dooce behind the Dooce isn’t enough for us. Oh right, I’m the Deuce.

  30. Great post, Empress. Especially like the idea of expressing that you understand this is a hobby, not a money-making endeavor. I liken it to football. I don’t watch it, don’t care to watch it, don’t see much use for it, but I certainly do not begrudge the time you spend watching (person who may or may not be in an intimate relationship with the chicken).

  31. It’s not just the husband and family that needs to see this – the world needs to know! Is it so bad, husband, that I have also cut down on showers to squeeze in more comment time? And that my IRL comments are gone waaaay down? Ah, the guilt.

    You know how much I love this series, A.

  32. Fantastic post and really funny cause its so true. My girlfriend does not blog so he really does not get the blog world at all. I have seen other bloggers that I read complain that their husbands are always trying to get them to make money off their blog so lmao at the sell tshirts for 20 dollars part. Also the part about being addicted to reading comments is so true.

  33. I’m thinking about framing this….

  34. Love the part about calling people by their blog name! I share things every once in a while to my husband about going-ons in blog world. He’s probably like, WTF?

  35. I remember this from back when you originally ran it and I love it even more now!!!! You are famous, Alexandra!

  36. I especially love the instructions re the tshirt production. Only in my case it would be shot glasses. Which, come to think of it, wouldn’t be a bad way to cover my costs. Great work Empress!

  37. Oh my gosh…i’ve been doing this just long enough to appreciate every word. You nailed it! Thanks for the laugh! I’ll be reading these to science guy as soon as he gets home – whether he likes it or not.

  38. This is hilarious!
    Perfect! Thinking I should send this one on to my hubby.
    He just doesn’t understand!

  39. This is so funny because it is so true and relevant. Husband has been busting my left nipple about making money. ::Sigh::
    Gosh I love you Empress :)

  40. FANTASTIC.

    And my word, Empress, you are GORGEOUS.

  41. Some of these comments were in my spam filter, sorry about that! I think all are published now…

    What a great response on twitter, etc. Thank you!

  42. My friends are REAL! I’m glad Alexandra keeps saying this because she is one of them.

  43. I am tickled to see Alexandra over here! She is all kinds of funny, and this post rings quite true.

    And those invisible friends? Don’t mention them at all. It makes us bloggy-types feel awkward.

  44. My husband has to read this! Bloggy friends are real. If he ever calls my bloggy friends invisible, surely WWIII will take place in my home. Lol!

  45. Alexandra, you are so awesome! “Invisible” blog friends cracked me up! It’s funny. I don’t *feel* invisible…

  46. Another great post by the lovely Alexandra. Hysterical, girl. I think my favorite part about what happens when the bloggy gods bless us with multiple comments… I didn’t realize I was that obvious or that I was frightening people with my enthusiasm :p

    It DOES take cajones to do what we do. But I can’t express how happy it makes me to be a part of this community :)

  47. I loved this post, so true, don’t make fun of the fair blogger. I have had some of my blogging friends for a long long time now!

  48. This is such hysterically funny truth!

  49. Made me feel like my husband may have written this one!

  50. Blogging is like being in an alternate reality, it’s a good thing we have such a fab guide to help us navigate it. Thank you Empress!

  51. This was so perfect! We are a different breed…

  52. I love this post. I recently heard from a friend about another friend who stopped dating a blogger. Maybe he was afraid he was going to end up in her blog ;) Bloggers have their own language!

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