Slutty but Funny – Penis Envy

by Natalie Wall

love my penis funny

Male Orgasms… what are they? Where do they come from? Am I the only one who’s ever wondered want an orgasm for a guy feels like? Like, there are so many different hand motions and gyrations going on down there it must feel different, if not better. I’ve always wanted to be a guy for a day, solely so I could jerk it for 24 hours straight.

My friends have heard this question a million times, and they always privately agree with my statement. I say privately only because I always get the same reaction when I ask my girl friends if they have ever wanted a penis.

“God, you’re weird.”

Silence.

“Well it would be fun jerkin’ it, wouldn’t it?”

Um, yes. Just think about it. Guys love sex, like looooooooooooooove sex. Would boink anything. Well, as long as there is a bag handy. Many girls would probably pick chocolate over sex. Or shopping over sex. Or a marathon of Modern Family over sex. Now, I would personally like all off those things happening during sex, but that’s just me. Is it ’cause most guys kind of suck at sex? Sorry guys, but it’s true, most of you suck. Constant supervision is a must for most men.

“Um, what are you doing?”

“Don’t…don’t do that.”

And it’s not even fair that guys have so many more orgasms, women have to deal with all the terrible repercussions of sex, shouldn’t we be rewarded, not penalized? Pregnancy, anxiety that you might be pregnant, periods, having to admit you had sex with that guy, 16 and Pregnant, having to pretend you love that annoying thing that came out of you…God, if you’re really out there. Please, give me a penis for one whole a day. I’d just like to jerk it, for my own enjoyment.

Natalie Wall likes to think she is a female comdian but the reality is she is unemployed college graduate living with her parents. If she’s not writing in her blog, Awkward Sex and the City,  she’s spraying vanilla icing on a mini donut or thinking of ways to kill Dora from Dora the Explorer. Help her, humor her and fall in love with the pale pasty princess straight out of Compton (not really).

Comments

  1. I could try to describe it, but I don’t want to give away any secrets. (I might have my membership revoked!)

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