10 Popular Trends in Wedding Guest Dresses

by Blythe Jewell

Every wedding is different, every guest is special. Some of us are there to celebrate the sanctity of marriage, others are there to get drunk, get laid, eat their weight in wedding cake or some combination thereof. Let’s take a look at some of the hottest trends in wedding guest garb this season.

10. The “Your Gift Will Totally Be Something I Made With A Hot Glue Gun and Popsicle Sticks” Dress

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

9.  The “I Really, REALLY Need to Find a Sugar Daddy To Help Me Pay for These Things” Dress

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

8.  The “I Like Cats Just a *Little* Too Much” Dress

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

7.  The “Playing This Off Like I’m Cultural and Stuff But Really I Just Want to Eat the Entire Wedding Cake Without Worrying About Stomach Pooch” Dress

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

6.  The “Only Way I’m Getting Any Attention Today is by Piggybacking on the Cuteness of My Kid So I’m Going Whole Hog” Dress

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

5.  The “Just Got Dumped So Now I’m Planning to Get Wasted and Blow a Groomsman at the Reception” Dress

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

4.  The “Took that Whole Royal Wedding Thing Just A Tiny Bit Too Seriously” Dress

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3.  The “I’m Hiding Your Gift in One Of My Flaps” Dress

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2.  The “Last Wedding I Attended, My Husband Took Sister Wife” Dress

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

1 . Top Wedding Guest Dress Trend –   The “Don’t Care if I Have to Run Over my Own Grandma – I’m Catching That Fucking Bouquet” Dress

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Blythe Jewell is a wife, mom, sister, friend, writer/editor and professional-grade smart ass.  Her work has been featured in numerous publications both online and in print, and she’s won many awards in recognition of her tremendous talent, including an Oscar, a Pulitzer, the Nobel Peace Prize and a Daytime Emmy.  She also tends to lie a lot, and enjoys referring to herself in the third person.  Find her sometimes hilarious, always off-color, insanely unpopular blog at http://www.themusicalfruit.net/.  Also available for childrens’ parties.

Comments

  1. Oh, Blythe: she is funny. ALWAYS. In the kind of way that makes you sputter and spit and then feel guilty for laughing.

    Love this woman.

  2. Why oh why didn’t you post this before I attended that wedding earlier in the month?

  3. tracifoust says:

    Well, number seven would have to be me. I’m pretty much always here (there) for the food. I’ve been married three times and though I hate planning anything that requires someone’s input besides my own, I think I enjoyed the cake part best.

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