Yeah, Sure, Of Course, Totally, & Fine, I Do, OK?

Note from the Editor: Jessica Delfino is getting married, and she is writing about it in this new column on FnS.


Breaking Down Weddings, or, Why Weddings Equal Break Downs

By Jessica Delfino

Marriage — everyone’s favorite institution, or, at least, the only one where the food is typically half way decent.

If you are married, you know it costs a small fortune to do something so simple seeming as “tying a knot.” However, most knots don’t cost you (or your parents) about the same as a year of college tuition to tie. Except maybe the “six exploding knots” which could also be a euphemism for what happens when the two families combine at many weddings.

Also, generally, most knots are a hell of a lot cheaper to untie.

If you are single, well, you may find out soon enough how merely saying the word “wedding” will add zeros to a price tags and put cartoon dollar signs in eyeballs almost as fast as the word “funeral” will. Or perhaps you have no intention of ever getting married. With the way most businesses take advantage of couples, including America LLC, who can blame you? Gay marriage is still surprisingly and shamefully illegal in many parts of the world, unless you count most politicians’ marriages, and not to mention, 50% of weddings end in divorce.

You’re probably pretty familiar with these tidbits, but hey – why not join in on the fun as we have a laugh at and dissect the age old idea of ‘getting hitched,’ ‘getting a chain for your ball,’ or perhaps ‘a ball for your chain,’ and the ‘good ol’ ‘til death do us part.’

I’m getting married soon – I met my fiancé on Craigslist, but that’s a hilarious and heart-warming yet slightly disturbing story for another time. As a person who in general has poo pooed the American wedding culture and put off marrying for as long as I have, partially out of resentment, I’ll be honest — it’s been an interesting experience to find myself immersed titties-deep in what makes this tradition so much bullshit, but then, somewhat surprisingly, also kind of endearing.

If anyone has anything to say about it, speak now — in the comments section, email us stories, anecdotes, questions and photos of your wedding experiences — or forever hold your piece. Or just get in touch another time.

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