by Natalie Wall
There is an epidemic that’s going on in the world today, and it’s called “bad-sex-name-fluenza”. It’s a silent killer, well, silent killer of the mood that is. Worse than gas, it strikes at a moment of pure ecstasy, leaving the victim feeling sexually repulsed/ dirty/ trying to remember the Hot-Pocket theme song. We can’t stand for this anymore, America. I’m so sick of holding back vomit while I have sex. I should get Oscars my performances.
America this must stop now, and yes I know…it would be so much fun to make fun of our own kids mercilessly for such a sucky ass name, but think about their sex life. We can only hope your partner’s genes ruin your child’s chance at a normal social life…fingers crossed.
So since you didn’t ask, I’m going to give you my unsolicited list of Top 35 Worst Sex Names:
18. Tracy (for a boy)
24. Sloth (it’s a little inside I know)
26. Kris (Yes, we can hear the K)
27. Destiny (what are you hoping you’re son becomes a tranny?)
31. Chair (Don’t think it won’t happen)
33. Precious (Does it make your parents sad that their “Precious” is a whore now?)
35. Adolf (It’s still too soon.)
If you’re pregnant…congratulations (don’t expect of gift). But think for one god damn second before you name your child Barbie… or worse…Keith… We ain’t naming a dog/cat/cactus here now are we?
Natalie Wall likes to think she is a female comdian but the reality is she is unemployed college graduate living with her parents. If she’s not writing in her blog, Awkward Sex and the City, she’s spraying vanilla icing on a mini donut or thinking of ways to kill Dora from Dora the Explorer. Help her, humor her and fall in love with the pale pasty princess straight out of Compton (not really).