In Defense of Slutty Halloween Costumes – Slutty but Funny

Seriously women, lets talk. I think we can all agree that we are a very different breed of ladies nowadays. We go to college. We graduate. We make big money. We practically rule the world at this point.

And I think we can also unanimously agree, that what we do, how we act, and the way we dress is not for the gentlemen-folk in our lives. Oh no, no, no. That shit is for us.

hillary clintonSo I see absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to dress like a complete whore for only one day out of the year (as long as it is done creatively, of course.) You’ve got 364 days to be miss prim and proper, Mrs. Secretary of State, so on October 31st, let’s get freaky.

So put that brown wig on, stuff your American flag bikini with toilet paper (just don’t let your boobs get too close to any running faucets), and grab your shotgun, Mrs. Clinton. Cause tonight. Yes. Halloween Night. You are no longer the stern, peace-making machine we know and love. Tonight is your night to be sexy, flirty, and quite possibly learning disabled.

Which is basically what any female Halloween costume is, really, you just get to jab your old time gal pal, Mrs. Palin, while simultaneously looking like a whore.

Killing two birds with one stone, making yourself feel like the shit while making another lady feel like a piece of shit.

And while you fight through that sea of slutty kittens, police officers and angry birds, don’t judge, because in reality these ladies are our lawyers, doctors and editors of the world. They just wanted to remind you that not only are they ridiculously smart (like yourself, Mrs. Clinton); they too can be sexy (with a shit-ton of make-up, and very dim lighting). But your costume is way more original.

And that is why I’m proud to be an American.

 



 
 

Slutty but Funny

Natalie Wall likes to think she is a female comedian but the reality is she’s a NYC girl trying to make it big. If she’s not writing in her blog, Awkward Sex and the City, she’s spraying vanilla icing on a mini donut or thinking of ways to kill Dora from Dora the Explorer. Help her, humor her and fall in love with the pale pasty princess straight out of Compton (not really).

Comments

  1. The ugly truth is that there isn’t enough creativity to make turning tricks for treats empowering to women who look like Ruth Ginsburg, Judge Judy or Janet Reno. If they went into the slut business even for just one night a year, they’d have to file for bankruptcy before they finished getting dressed.

    But perhaps it could help remind us that even successful repulsive menopausal women still have a sex object quotient. Afterall, there’s really nothing more sexy than a woman that you don’t have to worry about getting pregnant who can pay for her own std treatments. ;)

  2. OK, it’s a feminist statement. If I could rock a slutstume maybe I’d be all “these are my boobs and I can expose them up to my nipples in my Sexy Librarian/Sara Palin costume if I want to” but the truth is I can’t. So maybe it’s jealousy talking. Then again, I think I look strangely hot in my Sexy Queen Elizabeth costume. It just barely covers the crown jewels.

Speak Your Mind

*