True Facts About Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte

Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte

Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte

by Leslie Goshko

When you look at the foam of a Pumpkin Spice Latte, you can see the Virgin Mary. And Christ. And Satan. And they all get along.

Craigslist Missed Connections: “I saw you on the train drinking a Pumpkin Spice Latte. I got an erection. For the latte.”

My brother lost his leg in a shark attack. They replaced it with a  Pumpkin Spice Latte.

 Pumpkin Spice Lattes are made of poets’ tears.

Christopher Columbus wanted to name his ship The Pumpkin Spice Latte. Instead, it’s what he adopted as his drag name.

 Pumpkin Spice Lattes can pay their way through college with themselves.

Engaging in direct eye contact while drinking a Pumpkin Spice Latte makes time travel possible. It may also cause internal bleeding.

The national debt has been reduced 15% because of the Pumpkin Spice Latte.

5 out of 6 bear attacks occur over Pumpkin Spice Latte. The 6th bear was already dead.

The Dalai Lama will go ape shit on you for a Pumpkin Spice Latte.

Whenever a Pumpkin Spice Latte spills, the terrorists win.

 

Leslie Goshko is a Manhattan Monologue Slam Champion, recipient of the New York Fringe Excellence Award, and host of the monthly storytelling series, Sideshow Goshko (Time Out New York “Critics’ Pick”). Her stories and comedy writing have been featured on Sirius XM, WNYC, NY Metro “Funny Page”, and her one-woman show, Vodka Shoes, played to rave reviews as part of the New York Frigid Festival. She’s also pretty proud to have performed in Hairspray on Broadway. http://www.ohmygoshko.com/

Upcoming shows: Okie in the City Artists Collective, Thursday, November 10th, 7pm @ Nuyorican Poets Cafe and Sideshow Goshko, Friday, November 18th, 7pm @ KGB Bar

Comments

  1. This was wonderful enough to make me smile.

    So glad to see it here.

  2. Chuck Norris shed a tear over the beauty of a Pumpkin Spice Latte.

    The Pumpkin Spice Latte is leading the GOP polls for front runner.

    Excellent post for a blustery fall morning. :)

  3. I have always been a firm believer that pumpkin spice lattes are capable of mending the ozone layer, fluffing my pillow, and inspiring rainbows to pop out daily.

    So happy I found this post. Made my day

  4. I generally prefer to chew my desserts, but I may just have to try one of these puppies. It’s cheaper than a trip to Lourdes. (I don’t even know Madonna’s daughter, so it’s probably easier to accomplish, too.)

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