Eat This! Loaded Balls




Eat This! on Funny not Slutty – Real recipes, made real funny.

by Heather Davis

Be sure to tell your guests to keep a napkin handy because these balls are juicy and will squirt in their mouths and dribble down their chins if they aren’t careful. Some might swallow; some might try it, but spit it out; and many guests won’t even eat them after you tell them this and that would leave more for you!

3 slices bread, cubed (or if you have a child who decided to make bread soup by dumping a whole loaf of bread in a bowl of water the day you decided to cook these, you could just use 1 cup of bread crumbs)

1 c milk

1 egg

½ t garlic salt

1 t salt

½ c chopped celery (or celery seed for the picky husband who refuses to eat celery, but doesn’t notice one single bit when you use celery seed)

½ c chopped onion

1 lb hamburger

1 lb hot sausage (bulk)

(Or you can do 2 lbs hamburger or 2 lbs turkey if you’re all “Biggest Loser” and whatnot)

Mix all of this together and form into balls.  Mixing this is messy, so I get a really big baggie and throw everything in the baggie then just massage and massage and massage until it’s all mixed together and the inspiration for making balls hits me.

Drain a can of pineapple chunks, saving the juice for the sauce. (Who doesn’t like to save juice for sauce?  Bring that up at your next MOPs meeting and see what happens!)

As you form the meat mixture into balls, shove a pineapple chunk into the ball and press the meat around it.  This is messy as well, but I’ve not figured out a clean way to cram a chunk into balls.  Also, your husband will not appreciate it if you sing “Shoving chunks into balls” as you do this.  Just a word to the wise…

Brown the chunked balls in a hot skillet.  Remove and drain excess grease from skillet.  In the empty, but not freshly washed skillet, add:

1 small can tomato sauce

 ¼ c vinegar

¼ c sweet pickles, chopped (trust me on this – the sweet pickles make you want to swallow!)

¾ c pineapple juice (If there’s not enough pineapple juice, make up the remainder of the amount with water)

 ¼ c sugar

1/2 onion, sliced

 any extra pineapple chunks (chopped)

Simmer for 15 minutes then return the meatballs to the sauce and simmer for 15 more minutes.  Serve over rice.  Be certain that you don’t cut the ball in half before eating – that ruins the squirt in your mouth effect!  For effect, I like to plop an entire ball in my mouth all at once.  They are big and you will gag, but I perservere… just to let my husband know that I still have that skill even though I don’t make meatballs as often as he thinks I should. Afterall, one cannot live on meatballs alone, can I get an “Amen”, ladies???


Heather Davis -
Click Here to see Heather’s Page

Heather Davis, Minivan Momma, has figured it all out. Follow along as she shares her tricks on how to juggle being a full-time, work-outside-the-home momma with two crazy, start-the-day-fighting daughters all while keeping her home neat and tidy, her toilets clean and her husband satisfied in bed (and not just on Saturday nights!). OK – it’s only one “trick”. The trick is to ignore it all. Also, drink lots of sangria. And laugh every day. You’re always welcome to laugh at her!


  1. They are big and you will gag. Yes! That’s what balls are.

  2. You know, when I feel like eating balls, I go bagless. I like to feel the meat. Also: the hairlessness cuts down on gagging, I’ve found. Ok, I’m done now. Tired.

  3. I spent 15 years pretending I didn’t like loaded balls. One trip to Vegas and several hurricanes later, my prowess in the kitchen was revealed, and it’s loaded balls, all the damn time.
    At least, now, I can spice up my loaded balls, thanks for some new ideas.
    One question though-doesn’t the pineapple make the balls extra sticky?

  4. I’m going to have to get those balls good and loaded.

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