EAT THIS! Santa’s Reindeer’s Scat

reindeer-poop-recipe

 

Dark Chocolate Truffles aka, “Santa’s Reindeer’s Scat”

 
Eat This! on Funny not Slutty – Real recipes, made real funny.

by Elizabeth Bastos

1) Combine on top of a double boiler (if you care about that sort of fuss, you could also just nuke it in the microwave on ‘HI” until its melted) 1/4 cup strong coffee, 7 oz. semi-sweet chocolate chips, 2 ounces unsweetened chocolate. 

2) Transfer to a mixing bowl. Add enough butter to feel fait from artery clog, just the way Santa felt before his guadruple bypass, about 1 1/4 sticks, cut in small pieces. Beat until smooth and glossy reindeer hide, though I have never seen reindeer hide. Just imagine it. The gloss. The smoothness.

3) Add 1/4 cup rum, or whatever. Whatever being Mrs. Claus’ choice. She never rides with Santa does she? And now you know why. And wouldn’t you be schnockered if you had to be that nice and jolly all the time, not to mention dealing with hundreds of elves? 

4) Chill mixture in fridge for an hour. Or on a glacier. The North Pole has fewer and fewer of these. 

5)  Using a teaspoon, teaspoon-out balls of Santa’s Reindeer Scat and roll the balls in cocoa powder to coat. 

6) One after another pop them in your mouth, smiling a shit-eating grin, saying Mmmm, reindeer poop, I wait all year for this! While your kids say “EWWWW! Can I try?! Let’s melt some on grandma’s fireplace and tell grandma Santa’s reindeer have diarrhea!”

 

 

elizabeth-bastos-writerElizabeth Bastos

Elizabeth Bastos is a WAHM (pronounced “wham!”) of two in the Baltimore suburbs. Her work has appeared on McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, The Big Jewel, and the Book Bench blog of the New Yorker magazine. When she is not writing, she is eating something made with whipped cream. What could that be? You guessed it. Whipped cream. Straight up. She blogs about all things cheesy, also parenting, at http://www.goodybastos.blogspot.com/.

 

Comments

  1. tracifoust says:

    Love this!!! His helpers are just a gross as the fat bastard!

  2. Worth it just to hand out the “reindeer Poop” to my *cough*Favorite People.

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