No matter how open I am with myself, there are so many things that I always seem to “conveniently” forget about in public situations. One being the fact that there are certain alcoholic beverages that basically turn me into a whore on any given day and/or night.
I know some of you reading this have witnessed this beautiful feat first hand, and for that I am truly sorry for making you relive that moment that you have tried so hard to block out of your memory. Whatever, shit happens.
I think all ladies need to remember this special fact. (Gentlemen, take note.) Seeing as we all have that “ special drink.” Personally, there are three specific types of alcohol that turn me into a Grade-A whore in under sixty minutes of consumption: champagne, red wine and tequila.
However, I am proud to report that tequila does not seem to have as strong of an effect as it used to. I must have built up an immunity to my own personal inner-whore… that or I’m slowly turning into a bona fide alcoholic. Both scenarios I’m okay with.
But what I really don’t understand is how I always forget this fun little fact about myself. I know soooooooooooooo much about me. I know that I don’t like the taste of orange juice. And I know that I find pants that consist of both buttons and zippers to be too constricting for the female body (well specifically, for my female body).
Now, if I were smart (which I’m not) I would just steer clear of these certain beverages, and stay the fun, witty, and delightfully douchy lady that you all know and love. And for the most part, I kind of do stray away from these drinks… now I wouldn’t necessarily call it an “active” choice on my part, but seeing as I’m more of a “case of beer” type of lady, those drinks don’t normally make it my way.
But, then, there are those beautiful nights, when the planets align…and that special gentlemen caller screams into my ear… “CAN I BUY YOU ANOTHER SHOT OF PATRON!?”
And the vicious cycle continues once more.
Natalie Wall likes to think she is a female comedian but the reality is she’s a NYC girl trying to make it big. If she’s not writing in her blog, Awkward Sex and the City, she’s spraying vanilla icing on a mini donut or thinking of ways to kill Dora from Dora the Explorer. Help her, humor her and fall in love with the pale pasty princess straight out of Compton (not really).