Cooking with KABLOOEY: Why I Owe JennyMac an Apology

JennyMac, of Let’s Have a Cocktail, posts original recipes that sound so good I frequently bookmark them.  In my mind, this shows a lot of homemaker-y effort, and saves me from actually having to shop, cook and clean.   But every once in a while I decide to mangle a recipe (seriously - check out these babies,) and this soup sounded too easy and good to pass up.  My comments, in red, are the culinary equivalent of a cockpit recording from a doomed flight.

 

JennyMac’s Spicy Carrot Soup

In a large pot ( I use a dutch oven) (I use a scratched up formerly non-stick pot) pour 2 T  olive oil over medium low heat. Add 2 cloves minced garlic (Holy crap — we’re out of garlic?! Substitute 3 elderly shallots from the over-ambitiously large bag I bought after watching Top Chef and Anthony Bourdain back-to-back on TiVo, and a hefty pour of granulated garlic) and 1/2 chopped onion. Sweat the garlic and onion for about 5 – 8 minutes.

Add approximately 1.5 to 2 pounds of carrots. You can peel and chop them OR you can buy the uber convenient 5 lb bag of pre-washed, baby carrots from Costco for about 5 dollars. Look closely: most of the bags say “baby carrot shaped,” meaning some gargantuan industrial machine whittles down regular carrots into fake babies.  That’s like chopping up a large man and calling it octuplets.  It’s morally wrong.  Oh, shit!  The onions are burning.

Saute the carrots for about 10 minutes. Cover with liquid stock (I use chicken or vegetable.) Simmer until carrots are tender 25 – 45 minutes depending on your level of heat. Using an immersion blender, begin to puree the carrots. Add stock as needed to modify the consistency.  Hey, this new stick blender from Dread, Bath and Beyond actually works. (Why do their damn 20% off coupons keep luring me back despite the fact that the store obviously restocks their broken, faulty returns?  I end up taking back a good third of the things I buy there and then get lost trying to get out.  Isn’t my time worth anything to me?)

Add 1 T. cinnamon

1 t cayenne pepper (and increase to taste. I am a spicy girl so I of course add twice as much or more.)  Here is where I started to nose dive.  I ran to my computer to double-check the recipe, and to Google-check that “T” meant tablespoon.  Because I am also a spicy girl, I also added twice as much cayenne as cinnamon, or so I thought.  What I failed to notice was that the recipe shifted from  tablespoons to teaspoons.  I added two tablespoons of cayenne pepper, thereby turning our delicious dinner into a pot of Spicy Cayenne Pepper Soup With Hint of Carrot.

Add 1/4 cup milk. Blend. Drizzle 1 – 2 T of olive oil over. Stir. Looked beautiful; tasted like the devil’s armpit.

When serving, add 1/4 cup greek yogurt, stir. Hmm.  That cooled it off a tiny bit.  Is that carrot and onion I detect?  At this point I tried to fix things by adding more of everything except pepper.  I succeeded in making a soup three times spicier than even JennyMac’s spicy version.  The amount of cayenne was all out of whack with the subtle flavors of the other ingredients, but I  can tell this soup would have been fantastic if I’d just followed the directions properly.

So now I have to hit the supermarket tomorrow, make more un-peppered soup and balance things out.  Because I’m a badass and refuse to be defeated by soup.

By the time I’m done, I will need a cauldron to heat it all up.  I’m sorry, JennyMac.  If I finally make the Sea Salt Caramel Brownies, I promise to keep the results to myself and your name out of it.

 

K A B L O O E Y

K A B L O O E Y is a 47 year old non-practicing filmmaker who lives with Phineas at an undisclosed suburban location. Their three kids are Moochie (6), Lonzie (20) and The Big Puppy (22). She (who am I kidding, I’m writing this myself) tweets @kblooey and has two goals: 1) To make creative work a central part of my life, and 2) To keep my family from needing the services of the Supernanny.

Comments

  1. Lakia, great photo choice. Btw: I have soup in the freezer for anyone who is interested in correct proportions. I will NOT be defeated by soup. Boo-ya.

  2. Holy lava soup! Was thinking I might give it a try, but then got totally distracted by the sea salt Carmel brownies!

  3. Heh heh. Yep, those “t’s” can do a number on you in a recipe. Big t or little t, that is the question! And “tastes like the devil’s armpit?”

    LOVE IT!

    LOL

    • Kablooey says:

      @ Andrea: it’s the chocolate and sea salt combo that calls to me. I also like dark chocolate with chili pepper (Lindt makes a bar that’s yummy & not too hot) but given my track record with the soup, I’m going to lay low in the spicy recipe department. Tho, they hate it when I do that, because people trip on me.)

      @ Quirky: at least I know the difference now. How I got to 46 without learning this escapes me.

  4. You lost me at carrots… if those suckers aren’t slathered in ranch, they are worthless to me and mine!

  5. I’m generally with you, but JennyMac swore that not liking carrots wasn’t an impediment to liking the soup. Once I finally made it correctly, I agreed. I was looking for something I could eat with impunity since I am supposed to be dieting. (And I am, sometimes, when there’s no brown ice cream in the house.) Anyway, I don’t much like carrots, but the soup was good.)

  6. Oh my goodness. This was hilarious. I so often make that mistake with the teaspoon and the tablespoon and am then ‘rectifying’ for days.

    You’re right about those ‘baby carrots’. I once read something by someone I believed at the time to be credible that those things are soaked in chlorox and all kinds of horrible things and should (basically) not be eaten unless it’s an emergency situation.

  7. THIS is HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Love it. And no apology needed friend.

    • Oh, thank you, JennyMac. You’re the best. Because you are so nice, here’s an idea: if you could perfect a gooey, tangy packaged mac and cheese with al dente pasta, you could call it JennyMac. And moms and kids with discriminating palates would buy cases of it. Hmm? Hmm? Tired of the road yet? Airports getting old? This is a new direction you could take. Aww, you’re welcome.

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