EAT THIS! Too-Damn-Early-Breakfast Casserole

Eat This! on Funny not Slutty – Real recipes, made real funny.
by Heather Davis

I don’t do mornings well… or at all. So imagine my utter fit-throwing when I decided to go to bed at about 1 in the AM after a wild-night of Facebooking only to discover that I had to fix breakfast for 60 people in the morning for church. There was No. Freakin’. Way. After I whined and wished upon a star that we could just skip Sunday all together, I quickly ran to Hellmart and grab my supplies, dumped it all in the crockpot and went to sleep hoping for the best. As it turns out, it was pretty good!


  • 1 20-oz bag of frozen shredded hashbrowns (if you’re felling all Pioneer-Woman-ish you can absolutely shred your own potatoes or dice them whatever – knock yourself out! As for me and my house, we will buy frozen.)
  • 18 large eggs
  • 2 c milk
  • 3 c shredded cheese, any kind you wish. I used 2 c of cheddar and 1 c of mozzarella (Again, shred your own if you’re self-righteous and whatnot and have unlimited time on your hands; I am not above buying the pre-shredded stuff)
  • 1 pkg of pre-cooked bacon, chopped (Seeing a theme here? Do not work if you don’t have to!)
  • 1 lb diced ham
  • 1 pkg of turkey sausage, sliced (OK… you might have to work a little bit)
  • 1 can of mushrooms, drained
  • 2 T prepared mustard (prepared, as in the yellow stuff, as in – say it with me – no work! Well, besides squeezing.)
  • salt
  • pepper


Spray your large-ish sized crockpot with cooking spray. Dump your bag of hash browns in, salt and pepper the potatoes – you’ll wanna be kinda liberal with the salt. Put the bacon, sausage, ham, mushrooms and mustard on top of that and mix it up. Add the mushrooms and then the cheese.

In a separate bowl, crack the eggs and milk and whisk it together (this is the most work you’ll have to do. I apologize for that.) Pour the egg mixture over the rest of the stuff and stir it up good. Put the crock-pot lid on, turn it to low and let it cook for six hours.

Repeat twice if you are feeding 60 people.

Go to bed with your fingers crossed that this crockpot idea is not just a crock. Wake up six hours later and discover that you’ve made a fabulous breakfast in your sleep and all you have to do is put it on the table! You don’t even have to talk to anyone if you don’t want to. And since it was so danged early, I didn’t want to.

Question: We’re not big meat eaters in our family; can we substitute vegetables instead of all the meat?

Answer: Absolutely! I’m not sure exactly why you’d wanna give up the goodness that is breakfast meat, but whatever floats your boat, Hippy!

Heather Davis

Click Here to see Heather’s Page
Heather Davis, Minivan Momma, has figured it all out. Follow along as she shares her tricks on how to juggle being a full-time, work-outside-the-home momma with two crazy, start-the-day-fighting daughters all while keeping her home neat and tidy, her toilets clean and her husband satisfied in bed (and not just on Saturday nights!). OK – it’s only one “trick”. The trick is to ignore it all. Also, drink lots of sangria. And laugh every day. You’re always welcome to laugh at her!


  1. Bobbi Sexson says:

    Gotta love a recipe like this!
    Minivan Momma is my kinda cook!

  2. Paula Dean, is that you?

  3. “Hellmart…” Love it! Great recipe…Did you hire someone to pinch you so you didn’t fall asleep during preachin’?

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