MAKE IT like the Girlfriend Mom: Multitasking

MAKE IT like the Girlfriend Mom: MultitaskingIs Sex Distracting?

What are women really thinking about when they’re having sex? I suppose we’d like to believe that we’re thinking about whomever is on top of us, behind us, or under us. But we know different, don’t we ladies?

Until recently, I’d been focusing on the laundry list of distractions; thoughts, images, or scenarios, that men might be preoccupied with, when they’re screwing, and romping around. And then last night, my boyfriend and I were engaged in a most wonderful coital dance. He was on top of me, freshly trimmed chest hair, smooth-as-a-baby’s ass Portuguese skin. (that shit has to be genetic) My legs were in an Olympic event worthy spread eagle, knees bent, with my feet freakishly close to my face. If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times, PILATES.

In the middle of the thrusting, grinding, and moaning, I lost focus, becoming utterly distracted by the unattractive condition of my heels. I checked out, mentally, but my body soldiered on. No need for my vagina to suffer. Thus began my inner monologue.

“Man, those are dry and cracked. Why are they so rough? I wear socks in the Pilates studio and at home. It’s not like I’m a runner. If I were a runner, that would make sense, but I’m not not. I should run more. I wish I could run. I just don’t want to take a chance with my knees. I’m spending too much time on my ass, in front of the computer. Maybe it’s a skin condition. I’ve always battled dry skin. Everywhere. Note to self, ask Mom and Dad what their feet are like. Actually, I know what my dad’s feet are like. I used to give him foot massages, when I was a kid, and his feet were smooth. I wonder if my brother has cracked heels. Ew, did I just think about my brother while being violated by my lover? Stop thinking. Stop thinking. Stop talking.”

I wasn’t bored, I was just visually distracted for a few moments. My boyfriend had no idea what was going and it was still a success all around.

The fact is, women are better at multitasking than men. I can put my whole heart and soul into fellatio, and simultaneously write an article and redecorate a room in my head, while getting the same desired results. Men, on the other hand, although they would never admit it, are incapable of stealing so much as a glance at a basketball game on television, while staying focused, and keeping the beat. Trust me.

Now where did I put my PediEgg?


The-Girlfriend-MomMy first headshot was my mugshot, taken after getting arrested for tagging in my hometown. Other lofty accomplishments include working out at the NYU gym alongside Adam Sandler, while attending film school. Iʼve written for film and television, worked as a stand up, and written and performed two solo shows in NY & LA. Work appears in Pilates Style Magazine,,, and among others. I blog about being caught between life as a single girlfriend and a life being a stepmom-ish-type. Did I say caught? I meant trapped.


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