Eat This! on Funny not Slutty – Real recipes, made real funny.by Frogmama
Has it been awhile since you and your partner have been amorous? Do you need to put that zing back into your bedroom but don’t know what to cook to set the wheels in motion?
Relax. “La Loaf de l’amour” is here.
Before you jump into this dish, I need to lay down some ground rules. This dish isn’t for novices so if you’re someone who fucks up instant oatmeal don’t even think about attempting it. The recipe has been in my family for eons so please, whatever you do, don’t go telling everyone about it. I don’t want to turn on the TV and find Rachel Ray claiming it’s hers.
Be sure you make this dish on a night when you have plenty of distractions and limitations. I recommend two crying kids, two fat cats begging to be fed, a slight buzz, severe lack of sleep, cabin fever and some out-of-whack stubbornness fed by your partner’s comment of “You can’t make dinner under these circumstances.”
Feel free to sub in a ringing phone, an unexpected guest, a nasty STD, or the police knocking on your door. The magic behind this dish is that even though you’re under the gun to get this loaf of meat into the oven—like yesterday—it comes out great every time.
A loaf of meat. Doesn’t matter what species, as long as it’s a loaf.
Some old onions.
Sprig of fresh parsley.
Chuck it all into a bread pan. Don’t get your panties into a bunch worrying about how big the pan is; as long as it’s somewhat clean, you can use it. The dried out onions will bring out the loaf’s juices but if it looks dry, go ahead and baste that bad boy with some margarine.
Hell if I know. Just turn your oven on and forget about it. Now’s the time to deal with that glass of scotch, those pesky kids or the police officer, not your loaf. If it’s meant to be, a foul meaty odor will bring you two back together at some point in the evening (I told you it was a recipe of romance).
The best part is, because it’s so damn delicious you don’t need any side dishes. I treated my family to undercooked mashed potatoes with extra salt but that’s just me. I usually go the extra mile.
There you have it. My best kept culinary secret.
Now get in that kitchen!
Beth Brown, aka Frogmama, lives in Mulletville Lite, Ct with her ghostbusting husband, two sons, and obese cat. She’s a graphic designer by day and Type A obsesser by night. Her blog fodder has appeared in honestbaby and literarymama. You can find her at: http://frogsinmyformula.blogspot.com/