10. Pickles wrapped in soft pretzels dipped in potato salad is all I ever want to eat, and that’s apparently not okay.
9. Guy Fieri is associated with cooking, and he’s just…he’s just the worst. Shirt Flames are for punks.
8. Spaghetti-Os aren’t a viable Thanksgiving Dinner side-dish option, says my mother-in-law.
6. Giada de Laurentis’ teeth. Chomp-Chomp, bitches.
5. It always looks way easier on Pinterest. I’m looking at you, Pinata cookies.
4. Learning to cook is one step closer to being a real adult, and no one wants that.
3. Pizza Lunchables are still a thing—why cook?
2. It requires a visit to the grocery store, which is the gauntlet to Hell.
1. I am just. too. lazy.
Noa Gavin is a deliriously irreverent 20-something comedian who fears children, butterflies, and the death of Michael Bolton. Because she’s not managed to offend everyone yet, she was chosen as one of the 2011 BlogHer Voices of the Year. When she’s not creeping out everyone who lives in her building, she’s writing at Oh, Noa, scouting for The League of Funny Bitches, and working with her sketch team, HorribleSketch.