Lena Dunham, I love you.
(For those of you who don’t know who Lena Dunham is, she is a genius that at the mere age of 26 has written, produced, acted AND directed the critically acclaimed HBO series “Girls.” And if you really didn’t know who Lena was, I’m going to stop typing now, and find you, and force feed you lard. It’s the only solution to your shortcomings.)
Any who, back to you, Lena. My sweet little dove you. You make me feel content (and slightly proud?) of my current eating and personal hygiene habits.
Let those hata’s hate. They are just jealous of your ridiculous talent and ability to shove four cupcakes in your mouth at once.
Believe me, I’ve lost many a friends because of that stunning feat. It’s sad really but the inability to overeat is and will always be a sore subject for many.
But hey, we are all human. We all have our short comings. I can’t do my 11 times table without two fingers and an iPhone calculator. I have a feeling you and I have that in common.
But let’s get back to your awesomeness. You’re awesome. Well actually, you are cool and all, but now that I think about it, I think I’m in love with your character Hannah, and not you….soooooo this is going to get a little awkward.
Hannah, I love you. My sweet little dove you. You’re awesome. Your inability to get your shit together is sexy yet border line shrill.
We would be friends in real life. We would talk about how much boys suck and how emotions are icky and how that last sexual position he made you try just took too much leg work for it to ever be pleasurable.
Oh and Shake Shack. We would definitely talk about Shake Shack. All while the creepy old white man on the 6 train stared with a little too much intensity with his crazy old man eyes.
Seriously, we weren’t talking that loudly. It’s like he’s never heard a gaggle of ladies talk about man meat…in a nonsexual manner. Geez. What is this? The Stone Age?
You are the new Carrie Bradshaw. Is that a lot of pressure? Absolutely. But your whole “sort of matching my shoes to my dress…sort of” thing seems to be doing the trick.
You are the voice of a generation, muffled by the dozen Magnolia cupcakes currently residing in your mouth, but a voice of a generation nonetheless.
And don’t worry I’m there right next to you, I just chose a dozen donuts from Dunkin Donuts instead… Cheaper yet still sexually satisfying.
It’s hard to know what we want in this city, let alone how to achieve those goals, but I think if we keep our heads deep in thought and in food, the solution will magically appear in the gravy bowl… Yet again.
Okay so the gravy bowl thing only happened to me, but I promise Hannah, if you look really really hard, the deities will reveal your future. My vision had a lot of cats… I don’t know what that means.
Now let’s go out and get that story! Or a slice of pizza. I’m cool with whatever. Actually no, I want the pizza. Let’s go get pizza, and then figure out this whole, “my future included a shit ton of cats” thing.
Slutty but Funny
Natalie Wall likes to think she is a female comedian but the reality is she’s a NYC girl trying to make it big. If she’s not writing in her blog, Awkward Sex and the City, she’s spraying vanilla icing on a mini donut or thinking of ways to kill Dora from Dora the Explorer. Help her, humor her and fall in love with the pale pasty princess straight out of Compton (not really).