Mrs. Mullet’s Baked Chicken Breast Recipe

The hidden causes of TMJ, aka Mrs. Mullet’s Baked Chicken Breast Recipe

It was 7 o’clock. Dinner had been over for half an hour. The dishes had been cleared, leftovers had been put away. The table had been wiped down. There was talk of pajamas, tooth brushing, and bedtime stories.

I looked over at my five-year-old and noticed he was chewing something.

“Did you get a treat without permission?” I asked. “Gum, perhaps?”

“No, Mom,” he said. “I’m still trying to eat the chicken from dinner.” He took the wad out of his mouth to show me. “It’s taking forever.”


“Yes! It’s making my mouth hurt.”

Poor fricken kid. He looked up at me so sadly.

“Honey! You can spit it out, now. You gave it your best.”

“Thank you! Oh, thank you!”

I knew my pre-spawn diet of cereal, pickles and beer would come back someday to bite me in the ass, I just didn’t expect it to leave such big teeth marks. I’m not sure what touched me more: the fact that my son was so valiant in his effort or the fact that he turned to me, the chicken mutilator, for comfort.

If you want to create special moments like this with your child (I guess you could try it with an adult, but don’t expect such a sweet exchange. Expect something along the lines of “You call this shit chicken?”), try my chicken recipe below. I recommend serving it with a side of ice cream or sorbet to sooth the jaw.

Mrs. Mullet’s Baked Chicken Breast
A pan
An oven
1 package of chicken breasts
A pat of butter

Put chicken in pan, then in oven. Bake for an hour, or until you prod the chicken with a fork and the fork is unable to pierce the skin. Baste it a lot; it’ll give you a false sense of accomplishment. Garnish with parsley and serve. Then get ready for the Hallmark goodness.


Beth Brown, aka Frogmama, lives in Mulletville Lite, Ct with her ghostbusting husband, two sons, and obese cat. She’s a graphic designer by day and Type A obsesser by night. Her blog fodder has appeared in honestbaby and literarymama. You can find her at:

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