If what the Mayans say is true and zombies end the world in 2012 by electing Snookie as president, we must be prepared. We must be prepared to board ourselves up in our homes because let’s face it: we’re not all going to get to Montana in time and besides that, the state is only so big.
I think we learned our lesson in 1999 when we all stocked up on water in preparation of the computers taking over the world in Y2K. Ummm…Water? It’ll take a whole lot more than water to get us through this crisis. Make sure you have plenty of these items on hand.
10. Twinkies: Not only will these delectable snack cakes serve your family for generations to come, but if you unwrap one and let it sit on the counter for 24-hours, it can be used as a weapon. An edible weapon – life is good.
9. Taco-Flavored Doritos: These spicy, crunchy triangles of wonder are hard enough to find when everything is right with the world. If you see these, snag them up. Plus, if a zombie breaks into your house and steals them you’ll hear it crunch the chips or crinkle the bag.
8. Segram’s Wine Coolers: Popping the top off of a wine cooler will remind you of a much simpler time. A time when you were poor but still wanted to get drunk. A time when you had no lofty expectations or taste.
7. Buttermilk: It’s already bad. You won’t the difference.
6. Sausage and Bacon: Pork meat is always good. Always. Even with a zombie gnawing on your feet, if you had a piece of bacon to eat, it’d make the whole experience so much more pleasurable.
5. Dehydrated French Onion Soup: You can pair this powder with anything – anything and make a delicious concoction. French Onion Soup with sour cream? Yummy dip! French Onion Soup with beef? Yummy roast! French Onion Soup with dried grass clippings? Salad!
4. Jiffy Cornbread Mixes: Not only is this a tasty cornbread, but if that whole global warming theory turns out to be crap and the world freezes over, the dry cornbread mix can be used to sprinkle on the ice to make your front porch less slippery.
3. Turkey Pot Pies: Even when they’re fresh, they still taste old. Plus, their freezer life is approximately 426 years, or at least that’s my best scientific hypothesis based on the turkey pot pies found in my mom’s freezer
2. Hershey’s Chocolate Syrup: You still have needs, right? Just because the world as we know it has ended, doesn’t mean you need to give up your sex life.
1. Cream of Chicken soup: Because really? Cream of Chicken soup always makes everything better.
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Heather Davis, Minivan Momma, has figured it all out. Follow along as she shares her tricks on how to juggle being a full-time, work-outside-the-home momma with two crazy, start-the-day-fighting daughters all while keeping her home neat and tidy, her toilets clean and her husband satisfied in bed (and not just on Saturday nights!). OK – it’s only one “trick”. The trick is to ignore it all. Also, drink lots of sangria. And laugh every day. You’re always welcome to laugh at her! http://www.facebook.com/IAmMinivanMomma