Héléne Bouffant on Halloween Fashion

It is I, Héléne Bouffant, back with more fashion advice for the unwashed masses (that’s you). In today’s column, I shall attempt to get into the spirit of the season and talk about Halloween costumes. Personally, I don’t care for Halloween. Why on earth would you want to pretend to be anything other than the fashion-froward goddess that you are?  That is why every year, I go as myself. One Halloween, some horrible little child dressed as “the Spiderman” walked up to me and said, “What ARE you?!” To which I replied, “I am HÉLÉNE BOUFFANT! And you look TERRIBLE!” His parents were furious, but I bet he won’t dress that way again! And so another fashion disaster has been crushed in its infancy by Héléne Bouffant.

I did some searching around the internet for Halloween costumes for women, and I must say, I was absolutely OVERWHELMED by the number of career options for women that were represented in costume! Those who think the fight for ladies’ rights is dead had better take a second look! Why, for Halloween women can be anything! Here are just a few of the ensembles I found in the “Women’s Career Costumes” section of various websites.

 

Police officer

Sexy Police Officer Costume
I’ve never heard of this town, “Busted.” Must be outside of the Hamptons.

Nun

Sexy Nun Costume

Adorable! They let her keep her hair and shed her pants…..which I must say is the opposite of what I expected. Kneeling on a church floor is hard on the knees. I can only imagine what it’s like when you’re praying. (I know, I know, NAUGHTY Héléne!)

 

Firefighter

Sexy Firefighter Costume

Now, this one does surprise me. I believe that everything on her is flammable. Her boots do look sturdy, though.

 

Cab driver

Sexy Cabbie Costume

Héléne Bouffant never takes public transportation, but do I love this jaunty yellow piece! I may ask Geoff, my chauffer, to adapt it into something slightly more manly and use it for his uniform. Why, add a pair of yellow pants and a bowtie and I think he will be dashing! Geoff will be thrilled! (ed: Geoff was not thrilled)

 

Intensive Care Nurse

Sexy Nurse Costume

Who says you can’t manually disimpact someone’s bowels AND look glamorous at the same time? Not Héléne! This may be designed as a costume, but as Héléne always says, don’t let that stop you! Nurses – get yourself written into a will or two!

 

Astronaut

Sexy Space Girl Costume

I had no idea that female astronauts were so……shiny! But Héléne Bouffant got through school on her beauty, charm, and fashion sense. Sadly, I shall never have the opportunity to wear a silver mask and go-go boots in space.

 

School girl

Sexy School Girl Costume

Not really a career, I suppose, but I do admire Halloween Express’s belief that women should never stop learning!

 

Costume designers have even made allowances for women who are in the final flush of pregnancy to partake in Halloween! My favorite is the pregnant pirate.

Sexy Prego Pirate Costume

“Argh, matey! My water broke!” HA! Delightful.

 

And, of course, what Halloween would be complete without a costume for one’s beloved pet. I will dress up my chihouahua, Galliano, as either a devil or a velociraptor. I just can’t decide!


Happy Halloween!

 

Meredith Bland

Meredith Bland is a freelance writer and mother of twins from Seattle. She blogs at Pile of Babies: Take a Knee, I Have Nonsense to Spew (http://www.pileofbabies.com). 

 

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