Thanksgiving is meant to be a celebratory time, of when the Pilgrims were helped by the Native Americans and there was a horn o’plenty of food. It was a good harvest, and along with eating there were three days of games and social cooperation. Peace among the people, eating together and sharing alike. No one cared that you called it corn and another called it maize. The feast was delicious and it filled your belly; and it was a time that would go down in history.
Giving of what you have to others should bring out some warm fuzzy feelings of love for one another. And Thanksgiving can do that, except when someone reaches across the table and asks another to “pass the dressing, please.” And that person a few chairs down sends a bottle of Wish-bone Green Goddess back their way.
“Excuse me, I asked for the dressing.”
“Right. And so there you go–dressing.”
“No, the dressing. The side dish there, the savory croutons drowned in butter. Please.”
“That would be stuffing. You want stuffing.”
“No, it’s dressing. My mother called it dressing. Pass the dressing, please.”
“Dressing is salad dressing. That’s what I gave you. If it’s stuffing you want, I can give you stuffing.”
“I don’t call it stuffing. Stuffing is made inside the bird. This was made on the side. I’d like that bowl of dressing that was made outside of the turkey. Please.”
“Nope. Doesn’t matter if it was made inside the bird, outside the bird. It’s always stuffing.”
“Your favorite grandmother called it stuffing, or what? That’s great. My mother called it dressing. And dressing is what it is for me. And what I’d like. The dressing. Again, please.”
“Dressing? Dressing like you dress a bird with, right? So that makes it dressing for you? Well, this was made outside the bird. And so, pass the stuffing, please.”
“I never heard anything so stupid. It’s dressing. It’ll always be dressing. You know what? Forget it. I’m not listening to you. Lemme get my phone. I am going to find out just how many people in the US think it’s ‘stuffing.’ We’ll see …. we’ll see.”
“Google all you want. All I know is that it’s not called StoveTop STUFFING because it’s dressing.”
“Aha! There! I knew it! It says dressing when prepared on the side, stuffing when made inside the bird. I rest my case. Pass the DRESSING, please.”
“There you go. Have at it. And if you don’t mind? I’ll leave the table now, before you start telling me that this stuffing should be dry and crispy and not wet and soft.”
“What? It’s not dry and crispy?! Everyone knows dressing should be dry and crispy … ”
Happy Thanksgiving to all of you who visit FunnynotSlutty. May you have endless patience for elbows on the table, guests who take up the length of your sofa in their tryptophan comas, and forgiveness in your heart for those who like the dressing, crispy and dry.
Alexandra is an overanalyzing, oversensitive mother of three boys who somehow found herself named as BlogHer ’11′s Voice of The Year for Humor. She has been a mother since 1994, which means she hasn’t been right about anything since. She blogs of the sweet and the funny while trying to go unnoticed in her small town. You can find her at Good Day, Regular People. Did we mention socially awkward? We should, which is why the internet was made for her.