MAKE IT like The Girlfriend Mom: Holiday Sex – Having It and Loving It


I lost most of November to Hurricane Sandy-ass, and her aftermath. I can honestly say that after that she-bitch blew through my town, flooded my basement and took away my power, heat and hot water for 17 days, I did not feel very sexy or amorous. Instead, I felt cold, dirty, (not in a good way) and I’m pretty sure that the potent odor that followed me wherever I went, was originating from my pores. Yum. For the first time in a long time, sex was the last thing on my mind… and that irked me.

I was busy thinking about mold spores, ripping sheetrock out of the walls and changing generator oil. I was not dreaming about anal beads and hot bubble baths. I was euphoric when I took my first hot shower and I actually could see myself under the lights in front of a mirror. And now, just like that, it’s the start of the holiday season. Ho Ho Ho… and I do mean that in a whore-y kind of way.

I started thinking about how sex is different during the holidays. I wondered if people had more or less of it. Does the eggnog go to his head (yes, that head) and the next thing you know, you’re doing it by Menorah candlelight? Or are you preoccupied cooking, shopping, decorating, baking, working, generally stressed because you’re hosting Aunt and Uncle Drunkard, who’s visiting from Peoria for a week, so sex is on the way, way, back burner?

The holidays can suck for single people. They used to suck for me. That is until I put a different spin on it. I had to treat the days just like any other, and not buy into the hype. Don’t get me wrong, I still wanted to get laid but I didn’t think that there was anything wrong with me because I didn’t have someone to kiss under the Mistletoe or at midnight, on that overrated, anxiety provoking, bullshit excuse to wear that sequined dress holiday called, New Year’s Eve.

The holidays can be a terrific time to ignite romantic energy. After all, the color of passion is all around. Red is everywhere; in the Poinsettias, Santa’s outfit, perhaps your cheeks after a few hot toddy’s. It’s a chance to reconnect and talk to your partner about the new year and all of the sexy stuff that you’d like to explore during that new year.

And if you’re all stressy about finding the perfect gift for Aunt Whackadoo or making the perfect Latke, just remember that sex is a priority. Yes, it is. There’s no excuse for not having it (unless you’re over it) even if you’re single. Can you say, G-Spotter. Sex doesn’t have to be a full blown Bob Fosse production number. Sometimes the best sex are the quickies or the wham bam, thank you ma’am, No, thank you. Just do it.

Hurricane Sandy-ass stole (sexually) 17 days of my life, and now I have to make up for lost time. Holidays be damned.

 

The-Girlfriend-MomMy first headshot was my mugshot, taken after getting arrested for tagging in my hometown. Other lofty accomplishments include working out at the NYU gym alongside Adam Sandler, while attending film school. Iʼve written for film and television, worked as a stand up, and written and performed two solo shows in NY & LA. Work appears in Pilates Style Magazine, Blogher.com, ModernMom.com, and EvolvedWorld.com among others. I blog about being caught between life as a single girlfriend and a life being a stepmom-ish-type. Did I say caught? I meant trapped. www.thegirlfriendmom.blogspot.com

 

Comments

  1. I’m gonna get busy now and up until New Years! Then: debilitating depression.

  2. That a girl! Live for the moment and store it all up.

  3. Glad to find you again…somehow I lost you after you changed websites! Still as funny as ever :)

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