Who Said It’s Hard to Keep Your New Year’s Resolutions? – H. Lovelyn Bettison

Deep Fried Bubble Gum

If you’re anything like me The New Year’s Resolutions you made have already gone totally off the rails. That’s okay. Do you know anyone who keeps their New Year’s Resolutions anyway?

Self-improvement isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Who really wants to be healthier, smarter, and have fewer bad habits? Not me, that’s for sure. I have too many other more important things to do like sit on my butt watching Lifetime movies, look at unattractive pictures of celebrities in gossip magazines, and think of something new to deep fry. Okay the last thing isn’t true. I’ve never deep fried anything in my life. All that hot oil scares me.

If I did actually deep fry something, I would be keeping my resolution to conquer my fears. Maybe there are deep fried marshmallows in my future. Is that a thing or did I make it up? If I did, don’t steal my idea.

Once I get over this deep frying fear I could market my deep fried marshmallows and make bundles. That would take care of my resolution to make more money. Wow … that’s like killing two birds with one stone. I’m brilliant. Wait a minute … does that mean I just achieved my goal to be a little smarter this year? Oh my goodness, I think I did.

Screw the goal to be healthier. I’m willing to give up on that. How can I be on a diet while running a deep fried marshmallow company? Who’s happier anyway someone eating carrots sticks and running on a treadmill or someone eating deep fried marshmallows while watching a Lifetime movie? I’m going with the latter which fulfills my goal to be happier this year.

It’s so early in the year and I’ve already accomplished all of my goals. I should start planning next year’s resolutions now. I think I’ll start using more emoticons in my online correspondence next year. That’s a good, doable resolution.


H. Lovelyn Bettison

H. Lovelyn Bettison is an author and blogger. Read about the funny side of life on her blog Nebulous Mooch where life is all sunshine and sausages.


  1. Is it wrong of me to admit that dessert scares me quite a bit? Are those Chicklets? Antidepressants? The little pill-like square candies are troubling to me. Also the blue frosting squiggle. Admittedly, I only like brown frosting, so I wouldn’t want more Miami Vice colored icing on my food, but what if someone did have a taste for the blue goo? They’d be so disappointed by that lame squiggle. Wouldn’t they? (I am assuming here that this isn’t a picture of your grandmother’s award-winning fried dough snowman on a stick, for if it were, I certainly would reign in the criticism. And call her to apologize.) Am I taking this too hard? I guess so. Congratulations on achieving your lofty personal goals, and good luck with the emoticon thing.


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