New Approved Drugs for The Perimenopausal ~ Elizabeth Bastos

vajayawn

The names of the drugs for birth control for women make me want to hurl with their fake happy Disney princessy-ness like names, “Yazmin” or the gettin’ down to business-ness names like “Lo Lo Errin.” And, since I’m perimenopausal and, I shit you not, out of my mind, I have to take something, I suggest the following:

 

Climacteric

Wymmin

Whynnnin

‘Ncryin

NoLubridownthere

Vajayawn

Es-tro-gone

Progestergroany

Chinhair

Crone

Sisterwife

Grandma Moses

Throwthetoasteroutthewindow

Defenestration

Endofmenstruation

Rattybathrobe

Minihell

Livinghell (also available as a transdermal patch)

 

elizabeth-bastos-writerElizabeth Bastos

Elizabeth Bastos is a WAHM (pronounced “wham!”) of two in the Baltimore suburbs. Her work has appeared on McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, The Big Jewel, and the Book Bench blog of the New Yorker magazine. When she is not writing, she is eating something made with whipped cream. What could that be? You guessed it. Whipped cream. Straight up. She blogs about all things cheesy, also parenting, at http://www.goodybastos.blogspot.com/.

Comments

  1. I hate the names. They should just call it
    NoBabiesInThisUterusPlease

  2. I don’t know if I’m peri or post, but if I could figure out a way to capture energy from hot flashes, I could power a small town. Maybe women could install hot flash panels instead of solar?

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