Ten Signs You’re This Side of Middle Age ~ Alexandra

signs of middle age

Middle age, halfway through your life. Suppose you live to be 72, divide that in half, and 36 is your middle age. Sounds so young, and yet… you’re not.

You can do the math to figure out if you’re on this side, or that side, of middle age – or take this comprehensive quiz for the answer.

1.  The summer headbands advertised on your Facebook sidebar look adorable on the 18-year-old model, but make you look like Crazy Mary who used to sweep the bridge downtown during rush hour.

2.  Red fingernail polish and red lipstick may be in style, but on you they’re Cruella Deville.

3.  When you walk down stairs in the morning you hear the sound of popping popcorn from your knee area.

4. There was a time when a tankini and skirted swimsuit did the trick, now a berka is required.

5.  While grocery shopping you blissfully hum along with and skip to the piped Muzak version of “I Got You Babe” by Sonny and Cher.

6. Lift more than four grocery bags at a time and your brain actually starts to shout things to you like, “I’m Having A Freakin’ Heart Attack!”

7.  You shoot dirty looks at cars with blacked out windows driving alongside you with their bass pounding to Lil Wayne.

8.  After shooting the dirty look, you pull over, safety reasons, and call in a complaint to the non emergency police number reporting the Lil Wayne loving driver.

9.   Your kids look at pictures of you from twenty years ago and ask who the pretty lady is.

10.  The face you see looking back at you in the mirror isn’t yours, it’s your childhood Aunt Rosita.

 

AlexandraAlexandra

Alexandra is an overanalyzing, oversensitive mother of three boys who somehow found herself named as BlogHer ’11′s Voice of The Year for Humor. She has been a mother since 1994, which means she hasn’t been right about anything since. She blogs of the sweet and the funny while trying to go unnoticed in her small town. You can find her at Good Day, Regular People. Did we mention socially awkward? We should, which is why the internet was made for her.

Comments

  1. ahahaha! I have caught myself doing a couple of those (the muzak is something that gets me every time) sad.

  2. Right? This list, I have to admit, is spot on. THANK YOU for stopping by!

  3. I bet Aunt Rosita was a looker. As a fellow popcorn kneed, singing along to Sonny and Cher in the supermarket woman of a certain age, I feel your pain. And when I see that shot of Glenn Close Cruella, I think she’s looking pretty damn good. This is a sign of my impending AARPocalypse.

  4. I love that – “It used to be around the corner.” The oldies station on the radio is all the stuff I grew up on, whereas I still remember listening to the oldies channel when I was younger and thinking I was reliving history. Hairdressers now also always bring up the question of coloring my hair…it’s one thing to call yourself middle aged, it’s quite another for a stranger to call you on it!

    • Yes, Ceci… it’s hard to believe, isn’t it? We always feel young. In my case, I’ve always felt old, so trapped in a young body is no longer the case, haha. xo

  5. My knees have been cracking and popping for years, sigh ,,,

    But I will still rock the red (or orange, or blue or yellow or hot pink!) nail polish if and when I want to! ;)

  6. Damn, my knee has started popping and cracking every morning for the past couple of months. I will not go gently into that good night. I;m living til 100 so that knee better get its act together. :)

  7. Christine says:

    Could it be your neck instead of your knee?

    A friend wants to know.

  8. ha! Yeah I remember when we were younger I would go out with my girlfriends and we’d see some “older” ladies get so excited when an older song came on and while it was throwback for us we’d say “oh probably reminds them of their teenage years….”

    A few weeks ago, girl’s night….we were so THOSE girls singing Karaoke to Livin’ on a Prayer. Ooops.

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