Middle age, halfway through your life. Suppose you live to be 72, divide that in half, and 36 is your middle age. Sounds so young, and yet… you’re not.
You can do the math to figure out if you’re on this side, or that side, of middle age – or take this comprehensive quiz for the answer.
1. The summer headbands advertised on your Facebook sidebar look adorable on the 18-year-old model, but make you look like Crazy Mary who used to sweep the bridge downtown during rush hour.
2. Red fingernail polish and red lipstick may be in style, but on you they’re Cruella Deville.
3. When you walk down stairs in the morning you hear the sound of popping popcorn from your knee area.
4. There was a time when a tankini and skirted swimsuit did the trick, now a berka is required.
5. While grocery shopping you blissfully hum along with and skip to the piped Muzak version of “I Got You Babe” by Sonny and Cher.
6. Lift more than four grocery bags at a time and your brain actually starts to shout things to you like, “I’m Having A Freakin’ Heart Attack!”
7. You shoot dirty looks at cars with blacked out windows driving alongside you with their bass pounding to Lil Wayne.
8. After shooting the dirty look, you pull over, safety reasons, and call in a complaint to the non emergency police number reporting the Lil Wayne loving driver.
9. Your kids look at pictures of you from twenty years ago and ask who the pretty lady is.
10. The face you see looking back at you in the mirror isn’t yours, it’s your childhood Aunt Rosita.
Alexandra is an overanalyzing, oversensitive mother of three boys who somehow found herself named as BlogHer ’11′s Voice of The Year for Humor. She has been a mother since 1994, which means she hasn’t been right about anything since. She blogs of the sweet and the funny while trying to go unnoticed in her small town. You can find her at Good Day, Regular People. Did we mention socially awkward? We should, which is why the internet was made for her.