Commando ~ Song by Linda Roy


by: Linda Roy
Music by: ABBA
Lyrics by: Linda Roy

From the Urban Dictionary:
Commando: Not wearing any underpants. “I’m goin’ commando today!” 

This is a delicate subject. It’s a little bit TMI, but I trust FnS readers… Some of you parents out there must have gone through it with your kids at some point. You must have! Okay, here’s the thing. My young son “M” has rug burn issues. I mean my gawd, how many pairs of Star Wars Underoos do we have to go through before he finally puts all this…behind him?  I’m at my wits rear end, people. He goes through so many pairs that I can’t keep up with the laundry. It gets to where I’m out buying extra packs of skivvies to fill his daily undergarment quota.

Yesterday the drawer was empty.

Without making the brief pilgrimage to Target, I was screwed. I was left with no choice but to tell him he’d need to go commando.

M: What’s commando? Is that like GI Joe?

Me: No hon…it’s when you have to go without underwear.

M: Do they call it that because GI Joe doesn’t wear underwear?

Me: Um…no…I don’t know why it’s got a military name – it just does.

I don’t know what it is about males and their junk, but they seem to like enjoy the freedom aspect because it’s all he could talk about. All. he. could. talk. about.

M: “Hey Dad! I’m goin’ commando!” “Grandma, guess what? I went commando this week!”

“I’m Commando GI M!”

Kind of hampered my hopes that he’d be prompted to keep the Jockeys out of the…hamper.


modmomLinda is a writer/musician with a Peter Pan Petty complex, a guitar toting husband, two boys and pug dependency issues. She’s grateful that the word “snark” has been introduced into the vernacular since people just used to know her as “the chick with the bad attitude”.  She feels strangely akin to Larry David and will criticize your parallel parking abilities to prove it. She blogs at elleroy was here, fronts the Indie Americana band Jehova Waitresses and writes for Aiming Low.  You can also find her on Twitter and Facebook.


  1. Hysterical!!!! And I will say nothing makes my 8 year old happier than we he goes commando at bedtime!! Totally agree, boys do seem to like to let it all hang out!! Thanks again for a great laugh!

  2. “Do they call it that because GI Joe doesn’t wear underwear?” … awww. So cute.

    You had to know that was going to backfire on you. Boys love the idea of not wearing underwear and then giving it a name like commando makes it even more appealing.

    • I don’t know what I was thinking Lovelyn, because you’re exactly right. My tactics were akin to taking him to McDonalds and threatening to leave without him if he didn’t get out of the ball pit. (Which has happened, btw. The Dad next to me said “Um…I would live in McD’s if my mom had said that to me.).

  3. LOL, I’m sure ABBA would be proud. Great song!

  4. This should be required listening to all mother’s and father’s. Something in the air tonight the smell of Shite Commando – favorite line by far. Thank you for making my day!

    • Well you WOULD like this, right? You’re the Queen of Shit! (And I mean that lovingly, you know. ;) )
      I mean, it’s right up your alley…or down your drain? Were you flush with excitement? Okay…I’ll stop now. xo

  5. Oh, no Linda! I fear you have accomplished the opposite of what you intended!! You may now be hearing requests for commando days!!

  6. Now I have a scatological earworm. If I start singing your version at Meet the Teacher night, that’s on you. Then again, if I teach it to Moochie, we might finally get blackballed from Girl Scouts. Hmmm… it IS a catchy tune. I do seem to have different definitions for “walk of shame” and “rug burn” than you. Your rug burn is my skid mark. Well, not mine, exactly, but… you know what I mean. PS: I’m going commando right now.

    • Wait…don’t the Girl Scouts have a badge for that or something? Yes! Skid mark! My mind drew a blank trying to remember that one. Even asked my husband – he’s a connoisseur of such matters. And I salute you for going commando! Solidarity, sista!

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