‘We Can’t Stop’ by Linda Roy

Sometimes Parenting Is a Strategic Hot Mess 

New parents take note: all the horror stories you’ve heard are true. Those little bundles of joyous DNA will bring you joy mixed with terror. A piece of advice; enjoy your freedom now, because despite your best efforts to lay down the Parenting Law, they will run your life. Sometimes in the best way, others…not so much.

You will be limited in the culinary sense on a regular basis. You will not sleep past six. Your days of open affection under your own roof will be over unless you want to hear a chorus of “ewws!”. Your little darlings will keep you up all night. They will scream when you try to leave the park – for the fifth time – and they will “split” you. In therapist terms, that means as soon as you say no, Mom, they go straight to Dad and get their third bowl of Doritos. They know wassup.

And watch that potty mouth of yours. It may be your mouth, but you can’t say what you want to unless you want to hear it repeated back to you at Thanksgiving Dinner while Aunt Edna has a heart attack.

You think you’ve got it all figured out? You don’t. You just gotta roll with the punches, homies. ‘Cause sometimes parenting is nothing but a strategic hot mess.

 

Lyrics by Linda Roy
Music by Miley Cyrus

 

It’s no party, we can’t do what we want

It’s no party, we can’t say what we want

It’s no party, we can’t eat what we want

We can’t kiss when we want

We can’t sleep when we want

 

Ay!

 

Sippy cups and smelly bodies everywhere

Toys in the air like they don’t care

‘Cause they aim to have so much fun now

Least somebody else might have some now

 

If you’re not ready to go home

Then I get a “Mom! No!”

Then you’re gonna be up all night

Need a good night light

Alright

 

So la di di da di

We like our Daddy

Better than Mommy

Let’s us do whatev we want

This is your house

Piss on your rules

And we can’t stop

And we won’t stop

Can’t you see it’s we who own the night?

Can’t you see it’s you who have no life?

And we can’t stop

And we won’t stop

You run things, you don’t run we

Don’t take nothin’ from nobody

We can’t stop

And we won’t stop

Can’t you see it’s we who own the night

Can’t you see it’s we who run your life?

 

Yeah Yeah

 

modmomLinda is a writer/musician with a Peter Pan Petty complex, a guitar toting husband, two boys and pug dependency issues. She’s grateful that the word “snark” has been introduced into the vernacular since people just used to know her as “the chick with the bad attitude”. She feels strangely akin to Larry David and will criticize your parallel parking abilities to prove it. She blogs at elleroy was here, fronts the Indie Americana band Jehova Waitresses and writes for Aiming Low. You can also find her on Twitter and Facebook.

Comments

  1. that is great! you are so talented.

  2. Holy awesome!

  3. My biggest fear, above all others, is reading what my girls will blog or write in a book about me when they grow up.

    Hilarious. I prefer your version.

  4. That.Was.Awesome. At first I really thought it was the original Miley Cyrus song. You did a really good job w/ that.

  5. This is awesome! I am so old I don’t know the original but I think the Linda Roy version is way better anyway! I’ll be sharing this!

  6. Thanks Jen. ;)

  7. Awesome! “So la di di da di; We like our Daddy Better than Mommy…” Been there. Although I’ll take playing 2nd fiddle to dad if it means my daughter doesn’t have to have simulated sex with Robin Thicke.

  8. Amen to that Kablooey.

  9. You are so talented it hurts. ;)

Trackbacks

  1. […] You can also check out my monthly humor/song parody column at Funny Not Slutty called Linda Roy Records. […]

Speak Your Mind

*