First of all, let me express my confusion and disappointment that this product is only available for purchase through something called “Amazon Dom.” The free shipping I usually enjoy through regular Amazon Mom would have gone a long way towards making me a happier customer. After all the price of the product was what initially drew me in, as it is considerably less expensive than any other baby swing on the market. Saving money is very important to me, as a new mom!
But I guess you get what you pay for, and maybe I should have expected something was wrong right from the beginning. When the name of your product has a glaring typo in it, that’s a serious example of carelessness. And while black is, I suppose, a “[uni]sex” color, green or orange would have been a little cheerier and baby-appropriate.
Let’s talk about the product’s functionality. This swing has consistently received 5 stars from everyone else, and I really don’t understand how that can be. The packaging has a cartoon of a sassy, playful mom on it (trying out the swing, herself!), and that gave me confidence that I would be able to assemble this swing on my own. At first glance I noticed the rugged construction of the straps and handles, which were indeed big enough to fit my own hands and feet. Clearly my five-month-old daughter, Meadowlark, would be able to use this swing well into her teen years!
As promised, this swing allowed for very easy assembly in the entryway to my kitchen, so I would be able to watch Meadowlark bounce while I make sandwiches or whatever. But before I put her into it, I noticed that the swing seemed really high off the ground. She’s a pretty long baby, but I didn’t think her feet would be able to touch the floor, and if she couldn’t make herself bounce then what’s the point? I tried and tried, but I couldn’t figure out how to lower the swing. I was beginning to have doubts about my purchase, but I wondered if the height problem wouldn’t be solved by introducing a baby?
Boy, was that a juggling act! I got M’s pudgy little legs into the lower straps, eventually, and held her, squirming on the “seat,” while I reached for the upper straps…. There was just no way her tiny little arms were going to fit! I can’t even imagine the proportions of any baby that could! And it’s just as well, I suppose, because that seat doesn’t provide nearly the support that a good baby product should. Where was the five-point harness? Did I have to buy restraints separately? This was looking like less of a good deal all the time.
With all of these concerns, and Meadowlark stowed safely in her Exersaucer, I contacted OBaby! customer service. The woman who handled my call went from friendly to incredibly rude very fast when I told her about my experience with the swing. I am glad that people with split personalities are able to find jobs, but I do not think they should be answering phones!
When she called me an “utterly unfit parent” I hung up the phone and looked into my options for returning this disappointing product. To my dismay, I was only eligible to receive store credit for my return, which is a bummer, but I’m sure that I’ll be able to find Meadowlark something fun there one of these days. These fur-lined handcuffs look really cute, maybe, for when she’s old enough to play “Cops and Robbers.” I don’t enjoy the way everything for girls is always pink by default, but I do like that they’re soft and fuzzy enough that she and her friends will be able to play safely.
I just wish I didn’t have to pay for the shipping! ARGH!
Lauren Krueger is co-author of GOOROO’S *PRO*-MAGNON KITCHEN, a comic cookbook for the enlightened caveperson. She gave birth to a cavebaby not so long ago and spends a lot of time online looking for things that will distract her daughter from pulling her hair.