It’s the holiday season again and you know what that means. It’s time for gift giving, merriment, and the office Christmas party. Spending eight hours with your co-workers five days a week isn’t enough. Now you have to dedicate a few of the precious hours you spend away from the office to them in the form of an awkward social event.
Making it through the potential catastrophe known as the office Christmas party isn’t as difficult as it may seem. Just follow my advice.
Dress up. It’s Christmas. It’s time to show your holiday cheer by wearing that reindeer sweater you bought on clearance last year.
Show up late. If you get there too early it will probably just be you and Roy from accounting trying desperately to make small talk. Most people are late to these events. The later you get there, the less time you’ll have to spend trying to socialize with your boss.
Eat. They paid for the food. You might as well stuff your face. I suggest fasting before the party so you are starving by the time you arrive. Eat as much as you can to make up for the raise you should’ve gotten last year. Bring plastic baggies with you so you can take food home. That will save you a trip to the grocery store this week.
Drink, but not too much. The booze is free and they owe it to you for putting up with their crap for so long. You need to be careful though. You don’t want to be the person who threw up all over themselves at the office party, but you do want to have a good time despite them. Drink enough to make your boss’s stupid jokes funny, but not enough to leave you retching in the bathroom.
Relax, but don’t get too relaxed. This is work and office politics are ever present. If you get too comfortable you might inadvertently let a few things slip that you shouldn’t. Don’t tell anyone about the time you photocopied your boobs or that you are the one stealing food from the break room fridge.
Dance. You’ve got the moves. The more time you spend doing the Humpty Hump the less time you’ll have to spend actually talking to anybody.
Look on the bright side. The office Christmas party only comes once a year. So put on your party dress, add a little rum to your eggnog, and avoid the mistletoe, and everything will be just fine.
H. Lovelyn Bettison
H. Lovelyn Bettison is an author and blogger. Read about the funny side of life on her blog Nebulous Mooch where life is all sunshine and sausages.