My name is Jackie Williams. I was raised in Davenport, Iowa. After high school I joined the Army. I went some places, did some stuff, and met some people. I’m still doing all those things. I like kitty cats, black mascara, flip flops and Mexican food. Also, the color red.
Iraqi Jackie
The Iraqi Army is, of course, shortened to “IA” and the Iraqi Police is shortened to “IP” because this is the Army and we like to turn everything we can into either an abbreviation or an acronym. That being said…
Today I had my first real encounter with the IA. I mean, I’ve seen them running around in their mismatched old US Army uniforms with their knee pads around their ankles and their M16s in the air flagging everyone with the barrel. But I had not ever had the chance to hang out with them and talk to them. When I say talk, I mean share broken English and Arabic accompanied with arm gestures and exaggerated facial expressions.
When the IA arrived at the Iraqi Council building we were at, they came flying through the IP’s gate going about 50mph in approximately 12 Humvees. Before the wheels of the vehicles had even stopped rolling, like, 25 dudes came running out of them. RUNNING! I mean, I’ve never seen grown men haul ass like this before in my life. They broke off into 2 groups. One group came towards us to pull security for the VIP they were escorting, and the other group went straight for the IP check point/gate that they just blew through.
The IPs take great joy in their crappy little check points. So they were already running after the IAs, weapons in hand, to let them know they did not appreciate their bat-out-of-hell entrance into the compound. And what happens? A 30 dude mosh pit style knock down, drag out brawl. These grown men were throwing wild punches and knocking each other over to kick one another when they were down. It was insane. All I could do was dumbly stand there and watch. None of them fired any shots, so all of us Americans stayed out of their business. And just as soon as it started, it was over.
SSG Eltringham, my MP platoon sergeant, and I decided it would be OK to take my aid bag over to the Iraqis to see if any of them were injured. American forces try to be as helpful as possible. SSG E said, “Doctor?” to all of them and they waved him off, but then they laid eyes on me and realised I was the doctor and suddenly one guy was super hurt and needed me to fix his hand up. When he showed me his hand it was just a little rug burn between his thumb and pointer finger. So I slapped him on the wrist and smiled and told him to quit being a baby. The Iraqi guys get a kick out of me. I’m never scared of them.
I spent the rest of the afternoon having broken conversations with the IA soldiers. I met the most handsome Iraqi man I have ever seen. He had light skin and brown hair and blue eyes. And straight white teeth– he looked American himself, and when I told that to him, he said he would come to America with me then. I got a picture with him (below) but you can’t really tell how handsome he is. I hope I run across this guy again sometime so I can take a better picture with him. The Iraqis LOVE to take pictures with me. Everywhere I go, they ask to take my picture. My blond hair makes me a minor celebrity in this country.
Tags: editors choice, funny monologue, funny woman, funny women quotes, Iraqi Jackie
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I love Iraqui Jackie! What a great writer to highlight. It’s hard to believe she’s only in her twenties. She’s got a bright future ahead of her, whatever she decides to do.
Iraqi Jackie and I went to school with each other before she went into the Army(and became my HERO!) It’s a serious pleasure to read one of the million hilarious things going through her head on here. Can’t wait to see more!:)
Jackie you rock! We need to meet up for more Margaritas at El Cazazdor some day when we’re both on American soil. I always love reading your crazy tales, but I miss hearing them in person. I wish you the best my friend!
Iraqi Jackie – My name stuck! bwahhhhahahah
Jackie, I’m so proud!
Awesome stuff Jackie, I can’t believe I know a writer. Now I’m off to click on that link that says vagina jokes. Seeing as how I’m a fan of either or, I don’t see how I can go wrong with both.
It was about time that I finally read something worthwile. Keep up the good work!
Sorry for the huge review, but I’m really loving the new Zune, and hope this, as well as the excellent reviews some other people have written, will help you decide if it’s the right choice for you.
Thanks!
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