By Lady Lumberjack
As published in LOVE in the DUMPS: A comedy of your errors.
It’s a situation that every woman has been in: you go out with friends with the hopes of perhaps meeting a half-decent guy, but the only ones who talk to you are married creeps, disgusting trolls, or witless meatheads. It wouldn’t be so bad if these bottom feeders would just quickly crawl away upon recognizing your rebuff, but no such luck. They stick around like an unwanted kid at recess who can’t find anyone else to play with. But the pen, as they say, is mightier than the sword, and with a quick turn of phrase you can easily dispel of the sad-sack suitors and quickly send them back to their wounded wolf pack. Here are 10:
1. “I really just want to get pregnant and have a baby.”
2. “Sorry – I’m usually in a better mood but am on the rag.”
3. “My psychic told me I’d meet you!”
4. “You’ll never live up to our Savior, just so you know.”
5. “Sex is waaay overrated.”
6. “You look like that guy – what’s his name? John Candy.” (more…)
