I Enjoy Being a Girl (With the Exception of the Annoying Bits)

 Chicktionary-Book

by Anna Lefler

Author of The CHICKtionary:
From A-Line to Z-Snap, the Words Every Woman Should Know 

Ah, womanhood.  Just when you think you’ve got your game on, society – or your body – steps in and changes the rules. 

It’s the perfect weekend for a romantic beach getaway?  Not according to your uterus. 

Your boyfriend is totally over his ex?  Really?  Let’s have a look in that coffee cup cabinet.

New gauchos for casual Friday?  Um, we’re not doing that anymore.

Is there no end to the uniquely female annoyances we must face on a daily basis?  Apparently not.  On the upside, at least we have someone to talk to about these indignities:  each other.  And, because the bulk of the female experience is common to all women, we don’t have to waste time explaining ourselves.

However, if we did try to explain the challenges of womanhood to, say, a non-native speaker, the definitions might go something like this: [Read more...]

Memoirs of My America – How To Live In a State of Mortification

funny avocado

For some, *ahem, me*, growing up raised by people from a different country is a hairbreadth away from being an indescribable experience. It can also provide many moments of red faced horrific distress. [Read more...]

Ask The Suniverse on FnS – Vol 1 Edition 3

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FnS Interviews – GIRLS OF RELAPSE 2012

relapse theatre calendar

GIRLS OF RELAPSE 2012 ~ CALENDAR LAUNCH PARTY + TALENT SHOWCASE
R.S.V.P. HERE (or just tell them how hot you are for them)
**Interviews with calendar girls below**

THE BREAST COMEDY NIGHT IN ATLANTA!!  *STANDUP*IMPROV*SONG*DANCE*
Thursday, November 10th, 2011
Red Carpet Pre-Party: 8PM
Talent Showcase: 9PM
DJ Dan Weeks: 11PM – close
FREE!!!!

$15 Calendars – One Night Only Special!! (Regular Price $20) Get yours autographed by all the girls!!

 

Miss December – Kristi Oliver


What is your best feature?

I’d have to say the little folds of skin that live where my arm pit and breast meet. They are innocently involved in a meeting of parts that simply have more power. It’s important to notice them because they are being pimped out in a sense.

Who is your biggest Relapse Theatre crush?
Well, since Hoyt and FrogPie are gone now, I’d have to say Kellan’s balls. Most people just envy them from afar, I, however, want to love them.

What makes you giggle?
Hot Dogs. Nothing is more delightful than a weiner trapped between a bread vagina.

What makes you wiggle?
Crabs. I once thought I had crabs and started wiggling.

 

Miss August – Caroline Allen [Read more...]

Why I Love Christopher Hitchens – Jacki Schklar

christopher hitchens women funny

photo: www.vanityfair.com/culture/features/2007/12/ hitchens_slideshow200712#slide=1

I publish a comedy site by women for women, so from time to time I get emails regarding the infamous 2007 Vanity Fair article Why Women Aren’t Funny by esteemed orator and journalist Christopher Hitchens. In it, Hitchens enlightens us that through the necessity of protecting our species, and because we actually harness more power and intelligence than men, and also because we’re pretty, women are not as funny as males. That is, unless we’re “hefty or dykey or Jewish, or some combo of the three.” The inquisitive parties who contact me asking about this article are sometimes budding young female comedians, sometimes Woman’s Studies majors, but most often they are budding young female comedian Woman’s Studies majors. They ask whether I have seen the essay and want to know, “What should we do about it?” They are enraged, appalled and exasperated. My answer is not quite what they expect. You see, I love Christopher Hitchens. And I think you should, too. [Read more...]

True Facts About Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte

Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte

Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte

by Leslie Goshko

When you look at the foam of a Pumpkin Spice Latte, you can see the Virgin Mary. And Christ. And Satan. And they all get along.

Craigslist Missed Connections: “I saw you on the train drinking a Pumpkin Spice Latte. I got an erection. For the latte.”

My brother lost his leg in a shark attack. They replaced it with a  Pumpkin Spice Latte.

 Pumpkin Spice Lattes are made of poets’ tears. [Read more...]

Kablooey’s Annual Halloween Guide Part II

Click here for Kablooey’s Part I

 

Oxymoronic Costumes I Found Online:

 

funny mental

Because serious mental illness is hawt.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

1. Sexy Straight Jacket
2. Sexy Skunk
3. Sexy Sea Turtle
4. Sexy Watermelon
5. Sexy Statue of Liberty

 

K A B L O O E Y’s Halloween Pet Peeves:

 

1.    Designers of every costume listed above.  Just because you cut the Willie Wonka costume off at the crotch doesn’t mean you’ve created “Sexy Willie Wonka.”   [Read more...]

Kablooey’s Annual Halloween Guide Part I

An Illustration of How Costume Companies Devise Their Ideas:

 

Costume-Companies-Kablooey-web 

 

People Who Love Halloween:  [Read more...]

Notes From Your Drunk Grandma: Halloween


Well, you dirty trollops, it’s that time of year again. The time of year you feel entitled to hang your lady goods out on display and parade around asking for The VD like Nuns ask for The Communion.

No, no, not Tuesday afternoon, you insolent Jezebel.

I’m talking about Satan’s Day, dear. Something you’re probably too damn familiar with: Halloween. Pass Nana the tequila; she’s going to need something stronger than rosé to set your generation straight. [Read more...]

Memoirs of My America – Penny for a Peanut Butter Twist

There we stood: the hobo, the circus clown with the red SOS pad sidehair, Casper the friendly ghost, and Fred Flintstone.

My Colombian family had not been in this country long enough to understand all the essential childhood nuances of Halloween’s Trick or Treat in the 1960′s, especially for a girl:

The Trick or Treat Night Dream List:

My costume will be home made and glittery and have some netting, somewhere

My trick or treat candy bag will be home made and glittery and match my costume


The Please Dear God Basics List: [Read more...]