First Anniversary of My Watching Star Wars – Emily Schorr Lesnick

 

On the Occasion of the First Anniversary
of My Watching Star Wars
Or, The Week I Changed From Droid to Human

 
One year ago, I gained a new consciousness. One year ago, my adult friends Lindsey and Damian lugged a television from their basement into their living room in Minneapolis, we drank warm home-brewed beer, and began Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope.  I had seen Space Balls, I had watched Family Guy parody the saga in countless episodes, I knew Darth Vader was Luke’s father (SPOILER ALERT!) and I even knew that Leia wore a sexy metal bikini, but I had never watched any of the series before September 2010.  I was living an empty pastiche existence, full of cultural references that led back to the same nexus.  Sure, I was an educated young woman, but in the words of Yoda, human I was not. 

Damian pressed play and the music and scrolling prologue began.  As Theo the cat sat in my lap, I bothered my friends throughout the film, reacting with audible and genuine excitement and asking naive questions. I’m pretty insufferable when I watch movies. I ask a lot of “why” questions and I wonder about things that get answered within the scene. “Who are those old people standing next to Luke?” Turns out, surprisingly enough, they are his aunt and uncle. “Is Han Solo good or bad?” Good, but edgy! “Are there any Black people in Sci Fi?” Yes, Lando Calrissian, but not until Episode V! Each answer brought new questions, new excitement, and new understanding of the Rebel Alliance. 

After the movie ended and I had filled up on popcorn and John Williams, I alternated between silence and bursts of questions and connections. Three days later, I had completed the entire series. Star Wars became a frame of reference for the way I approached all pop culture. It became a way for me to make sense of stories and make connections with the past and the future.  [Read more...]

5 Songs Proving Everyone Was High and Horny in the 70s

by Blythe Jewell

high-and-horny


1. Escape (The Pina Colada Song)
, Rupert Holmes

 

The first line of this song goes:  “I was tired of my lady, we’d been together too long.” It’s pretty much downhill from there. [Read more...]

Kid Still Life – Elizabeth Bastos

Among the crap of a life with kids can be found: Art. Toys, blocks, bikes, bike helmets, and leftover sandwiches that have been left just so, as if they are a still life done by an Old Master, if the Old Masters were a six-year-old boy with an interest in farting, and penguins.

I take pictures of what I find, and provide a title. Sometimes the result is poignant, reflecting something deep and humane in our nature, such as a pig sniffing a penguin’s butt, and sometimes it is funny.
 

Among The Cool Birds, Pig, Trying Like Hell [Read more...]

#occupyanthropologie – Laura Burns

funny-politics

I’m wearing a colorful patchwork apron with an applique fastened to the left strap, my ankles eased against an elephant-shaped foot rest. I am seated on a purple velvet armchair, reading a copy of Bigfoot: I Not Dead. I am twirling one strand of my hair with a quirky doorknob. I am occupying Anthropologie.

This wasn’t planned. It came about organically, this morning when I set foot in the Nordstrom Mall. I was browsing the windows of Betsey Johnson and Free People when I smelled something enchanting across the hall. It was a cross between new car smell and a better life. It lingered in the air as I made my way through the glass doors. An array of deconstructed rare (I assume) books hung above. That’s when I felt the first twinge of expensive-kitsch-borne oppression. [Read more...]

FnS Interview – Aubrey Anderson-Emmons of Modern Family

Aubrey-and-Amy-Anderson

Meet 4 year old, Aubrey Anderson-Emmons, the new Lily on Modern Family. You have heard of Modern Family, right? The hottest family sit-com in existence?  Well, it just so happens that Aubrey’s mom, Amy Anderson, is a Funny not Slutty. Amy was kind enough to ask Aubrey my interview questions, and promises these are real answers. Don’t miss the two videos after the jump, and you can keep up with Aubrey and Amy at http://www.funnyyellowmom.blogspot.com/.

 Aubrey-Anderson-Emmons
Your show Modern Family just won 5 Emmys. What is an Emmy? –  I don’t know what’s an Emmy!! (Amy: It’s an award.) I want to win an Emmy! Do I get to have an Emmy?!

Is it hard not to laugh when you shoot funny scenes? How do you keep from laughing? –  Yeah. It’s hard. I sit down, but they say not to sit down. Why do they say that?

Your character Lily has two dads, what do you think that would be like in real life?  - No, I want to have THREE daddies!

What do you think are the funniest things in the world? –  Taylor! (her friend from school)

If you could be the star of any film or TV show you wanted, what would you be in? – MODERN FAMILY!!!

Your Mom is a comedian and actress, do you think she is funny? – No!

 
[Read more...]

John Travolta: A Timeline – Megan Lent

Something happened between 1977 and 1994 that made Travolta go from this:

john travolta 1

 to this:

 john travolta 2

[Read more...]

Listen to Your Mother Open Call for Cities

 

 Wendi Aarons reading from her work at Listen to Your Mother Show, Austin, 2011.
www.listentoyourmothershow.com

Listen to Your Mother, an organization of accomplished writers who just happen to be mommies, is seeking 3 or 4 new cities to join their line-up of Austin, NYC, Madison, NW Indiana and Spokane in 2012.

If you have interest in bringing LTYM to your city in 2012, see details here and email LTYM National Director Ann Imig, and she will send you more information about the process of hosting/directing/producing an LTYM show. Ideal LTYM local director/producers are those with both real life and online community connections, combined with a huge desire to do the show. Applications are due October 26th.

Memoirs of My America – Lunchroom Angst

by Alexandra

funny-lunch-story

I am a suburban mother of three school age children, who, like most mothers across America; finds herself packing lunches Monday through Friday. For most mothers out there, I’ll bet pleasant memories of trading lunches with grade school friends brings a smile to their lips as they seal baggies with healthy, routine lunch fare for their American children.

You all probably see yourselves, back in fourth grade, sitting at the long lunchroom table across from your friends. Chattering away while pulling out the contents of what your very American parent has packed for you. So sweet, I’m happy for you; really. I’m happy that reminiscing about swapping lunches makes you smile and doesn’t conjure up a knot in your stomach.

It all has to do with what your childhood lunches were like. My lunches, my first-generation born here lunches, can only be described with the word “PANIC” placed in front of it. [Read more...]

Ask The Suniverse on FnS – Vol. 1 Edition 1

Confused? Uncertain? Worried you’re not quite fresh enough down there? I’m here to solve your problems. As an oldest child, I’m dedicated to bossing people around. As an overeducated degree collector, I’m full of knowledge that’s only suitable at FunnynotSlutty. Questions? Contact me at suniverse[dot]email[at]gmail[dot]com. You can also peruse my profanity-laced invective at my blog, The Suniverse, or follow me on Twitter, @TheSuniverse. Enjoy, lovers. 

Dear Suniverse,

I am about to move to a very small town, where I will no doubt immediately alienate most of the population, terrify some and enrage the rest. Do you think I should I buy a red or yellow bicycle for the road raging event that I am sure will see the end of me?

Small Town Problems  [Read more...]

Why The Brownie Leader Hates My Guts

kids craftsby K A B L O O E Y

The Mooch and I stare down at a table full of glitter-bombed dreck.  Brenda, my daughter’s Brownie troop leader, points to a green lump with glued-on googly eyes and orange tinsel hair.

“This is Moochie’s St. Patrick’s Day project. She didn’t finish it, then said it didn’t matter because mom always throws them out anyway.”

Crap.  I shoot a horrified glance at my informant daughter, mutter “Oh, Fredo, you broke my heart” and start furious verbal backpedaling.

“Oh, no; she’s confused.  We throw away some of the school papers, the worksheets and whatnot, but not her Brownie projects.” 

In truth, she’s lucky if they make the car. Every week there is another holiday themed, dollar bin at Michael’s craft project to transport home.  Invariably, they are covered in wet Elmer’s glue, so you have to hold them gingerly, as if they are made of Dresden china. It’s like transporting baby chicks with brittle bone disease.

Once the foam monstrosities are in the house, they stay on the dining room table, shedding pipe cleaners, until my daughter forgets about them.  Then I collect a pile and dispose of them under cover of night, like a serial killer burying the bodies. [Read more...]