Ode to Spice Girls – Daniella R. Bondar

Spice World

If I told you that I didn’t embarrassingly rock out to the Spice Girls on two separate occasions in the last four days, I’d be lying. Okay, so it was really three times. Three times in four days. In public. In dive bars. In a karaoke bar. That’s not counting all the times I was alone in my apartment and ran into a Risky Business situation.  What I am really trying to say here, in case you haven’t caught on, is the Spice Girls are the best thing to happen to this universe.  Anyone who says they disagree is lying. Here’s why…

1.  First in regards to the straight males out there who may be denying my very blanketed statement:  For a really long time gals were running around in Spice Girl – esque outfits,  so you are welcome boys.

2. We could mark out maturity growing by which Spice Girl we decided to identify with. ALl of my friends wanted to be Baby Spice. It led to lots of hair pulling and singing over each other. The pulling of pigtails always went a little too far. I had furry scrunchies, so of course I thought I should be the one.

3. The Spice Girls are still providing much unadulterated happiness for drunk girls. Ever been in a bar when a Spice Girls song comes on? Yeah, that. And yeah, I am definitely one of those girls.

4. Everytime I meet a guy I sing him “ If you wanna be my lover…” just so he knows what is up.

5. Spice Girls have taught me, and my generation of pleather donning attitude toting wannabes lots of important life lessons. Like to stop in the name of love and girls can be empowered while looking like super sluts. [Read more...]

NOW THAT’S CUTE!!! Office Freakout ~ Aaron Ballard

Cute

 

Aaron Ballard plays Nancy, who becomes undone at the sight of anything cute. The short was an official selection of The 2013 Chicago Comedy Film Festival.

www.aaronballard.org

 

Beverly Sparks Ramajones’ Campaign for President. Or something.

Marié Lake’s Excess Hollywood Indiegogo Campaign

CaptureMarie

Hi Funny Not Slutty ladies. It’s Marié Lake, host of Excess Hollywood. After watching one too many obsequious interviews by Billy Bush gushing over Suri Cruise, I decided to launch some web sketches and the first incarnation of Excess Hollywood, set in Palmdale, California was born with Jeremy Miller (Growing Pains) as my co-host. Now we are launching a full-blown web sit-com with my character Beverly Sparks-Ramajones joined by Brian Kiley (Conan writer) and Drew Doege (the infamous Chloe Sevegny sketches on the web). If you love celebrities, parody and celebrity-obsession please contribute. If you don’t but want a cameo, contribute bigger — we love nepotism in Palmdale. In any case, thanks for watching!

To contribute: http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/excess-hollywood–2

I Showed for Jenn Dodd’s No Show: A One Woman Show and You Should Show, Too


It’s no easy feat to create a one woman show, but this didn’t stop our very own Jenn Dodd.

No Show: A One Woman Show, which premiered last Thursday, Oct 10, is filled with hilariously eccentric characters, each one funnier and more outrageous than the last. And yes, it is a show about no show. Brilliant, I know.

Jenn-and-NatalieWithout giving too much away, all I can say, is if you are in the NY area, Dodd’s show is a must see. Like really, you must go see it. Like, right now. Dodd and her show is interactive, ballsy and above all funny.

And don’t worry you still have time! “No Show” is playing at Stage Left Studio and runs the following dates:

October 17th 7:30 PM

October 18th 7:30 PM

October 19th 7:30 PM

October 24th 7:30 PM

October 25th 7:30 PM

GET TICKETS HERE:

http://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/421331

 

Slutty but Funny

Natalie Wall likes to think she is a female comedian but the reality is she’s a NYC girl trying to make it big. If she’s not writing in her blog, Awkward Sex and the City, she’s spraying vanilla icing on a mini donut or thinking of ways to kill Dora from Dora the Explorer. Help her, humor her and fall in love with the pale pasty princess straight out of Compton (not really).

‘We Can’t Stop’ by Linda Roy

Sometimes Parenting Is a Strategic Hot Mess 

New parents take note: all the horror stories you’ve heard are true. Those little bundles of joyous DNA will bring you joy mixed with terror. A piece of advice; enjoy your freedom now, because despite your best efforts to lay down the Parenting Law, they will run your life. Sometimes in the best way, others…not so much.

You will be limited in the culinary sense on a regular basis. You will not sleep past six. Your days of open affection under your own roof will be over unless you want to hear a chorus of “ewws!”. Your little darlings will keep you up all night. They will scream when you try to leave the park – for the fifth time – and they will “split” you. In therapist terms, that means as soon as you say no, Mom, they go straight to Dad and get their third bowl of Doritos. They know wassup.

And watch that potty mouth of yours. It may be your mouth, but you can’t say what you want to unless you want to hear it repeated back to you at Thanksgiving Dinner while Aunt Edna has a heart attack.

You think you’ve got it all figured out? You don’t. You just gotta roll with the punches, homies. ‘Cause sometimes parenting is nothing but a strategic hot mess.

 

Lyrics by Linda Roy
Music by Miley Cyrus

 

It’s no party, we can’t do what we want

It’s no party, we can’t say what we want

It’s no party, we can’t eat what we want

We can’t kiss when we want

We can’t sleep when we want

 

Ay!

 

Sippy cups and smelly bodies everywhere

Toys in the air like they don’t care

‘Cause they aim to have so much fun now

Least somebody else might have some now [Read more...]

Soldier reunited with a**hole cat ~ Jen Tullock

soldier and cat

Just..the best cat video ever made.

Jen Tullock is an actor, writer and, comedian. Her work has been featured at Second City, Broadway Comedy Club, The People’s Improv Theater, New York Stage and Film Festival, and Anthology Film Center. She is currently the co-host of The Morning After on Heritage Radio Network. Her debut rap album, Jenatari, was released in 2011.

Announcing Sole Provisions Short Essay Contest Winners!

funny-writing-contest

1st Prize – Lovelyn of Nebulous Mooch

Lovelyn wins a pair of Fitflops OR Orthaheel SHOES from Sole Provisions!

2 Runners Up – John “Cork” Corcoran (most creative) and K A B L O O E Y (funniest line…hint, “smoothies”)

The winning entries are below, and you can check out all entries in comments of the original contest post.

 

I Sold My Soul by Lovelyn

Don’t tell anyone I told you this, but I sold my soul to the devil to be able to cook. Yeah, that probably wasn’t the best exchange. First of all, I wasn’t specific enough. I wanted to be a world class chef with my own show on the Food Network. I don’t know if you’ve watched the Food Network lately, but I’m not on it.

Instead of magically knowing how to make perfect French sauces and rich desserts, I’m the casserole queen of my block. I can mix a can of soup, veggies and chicken in an oven-safe glass dish, stick it in the oven, and get perfect results every time. I don’t even like casseroles, but now I’m stuck bringing covered dishes to pot lucks and PTA meetings.

People eat my casseroles and ask me what the secret is for making them so perfectly every time. I simply shrug and wonder if I’ll still be making casseroles in Hell.

I obviously wasn’t thinking straight when I made the deal, but you know how the Devil is. Once you sign on the dotted line there’s no getting out. I wonder if Hell will be as hot as my kitchen is now that the oven is always on.

 

Untitled Entry by John “Cork” Corcoran

It was a dark and stormy night when I busted my sole while busting a move to “Soul Man” at a Seoul Hilton Karaoke night.

“What do you think of that as my lead sentence?” I asked Vincenta Faborgini, my hard working agent and confidante.

“In a word? ‘Overkill’,” she said, taking a drag of her Pall Mall.

“You can’t be a smoker,” I replied. “They won’t allow smokers in a winning Essay.” [Read more...]

4 Funny Female-Centric Web Series to Watch – Besties Edition

4 funny web series

You may remember the post 4 Funny Female-Centric Web Series to Watch from last November. Well I hope you are ready for more! Here are 4 more web series sent in by show producers and publicists. These are are 4 of my favorites, I think you will like them, too.

Brunch on Sundays

Brunch on Sundays was submitted by series Writer/Producer/Actor Shira Weitz. Set in Brooklyn every Sunday, a distressed Charlie reveals her ‘sexscapades’ over brunch, her tales enhanced by quirky flashbacks of how they went awry. Charlie’s live-now-ask-questions-later mentality often leaves her with the short end of the stick, but her unwavering confidence keeps her hilarious.

 

 Roomsies


Jenny and Meagan sent this their funnny (with 3 n’s) sketch comedy series Roomsies about two roommates who do weird stuff in their apartment. That pretty much sums it up.

 

Margot & Marie [Read more...]

THE TRAVESTY OF JUSTICE…store.

Justice-Store

Warning: staring directly at apparel may cause permanent damage to corneas.

 

My daughter is now eight, so I’m happy to report that I’m done with globe-headed Caillou, that whiny little fuck, and Chuck E. Cheese, the flea-bitten, steroidal, rat-boy. These are massive plusses in my book, and they brought me as much joy as did throwing out the rectal thermometer.

However, these parental joys are balanced out by a new horror: having to enter the black hole of ugliness – the Justice store. This mall chain caters to suburban tweenage (I want to shoot myself just typing that “word”) girls with an affinity for neon and shiny objects. The stores themselves are infinitely dense nuggets of tween fashion trends collapsed inward by the weight of their day-glow hideousness. If Tim Gunn were merely to glance into one, his eyeballs would liquefy and melt down his cheeks. [Read more...]

Sole Provisions FunnynotSlutty.com Short Short Essay Contest

funny-writing-contest

 

Why should you enter the Sole Provisions FunnynotSlutty.com Short Short Essay Contest?!?

 The Prize:

One pair of shoes from Sole Provision’s Fitflops OR Orthaheel collection.

Rules and Writing Criteria:

  1. Essays are to be 150-450 words long to be considered.
  2. You must include one of the following words in the title -  sole, soul or Seoul.
  3. You can write about true events or fiction.
  4. Judging criteria are funniness, good writing and creativity.
  5. Essays will be judged by FnS publisher Jacki Schklar and announced on September 12th.
  6. Essays must be submitted by midnight Eastern on Monday, September 9th 2013. Submit your entry simply by adding it to the comments section below! You can write up to 2 entries/submissions.

Follow Sole Provisions and tell them you appreciate their participation in our contest! https://www.facebook.com/SoleProvisionsShop https://twitter.com/SoleProvisions