5 Songs Proving Everyone Was High and Horny in the 70s

by Blythe Jewell

high-and-horny


1. Escape (The Pina Colada Song)
, Rupert Holmes

 

The first line of this song goes:  “I was tired of my lady, we’d been together too long.” It’s pretty much downhill from there. [Read more...]

Tap Your Troubles Away – Gilda Radner

gilda dancing
Did anyone else wake up on the wrong fucking side of Fashion Week in panties and a Hello Kitty t-shirt with dog hair all over it (which I’m still wearing) this Saturday? I have 13 more assignments to my degree, which sounds ok but it’s REALLY 13 too many. I have perfect scores on every paper this semester, which sounds great, but it’s really just a symptom of having no life. And I have a dental appointment Monday I’m so looking forward to, to have a crown re-done that I’ve had re-done twice already in the past 5 years. So it is not covered by insurance, so I pay cash for the whole thing.  I’m realizing I’ve had more dental work appointments than good dates in the last 2 years. I want to LEAVE the Atl area and move ASAP, probably to Denver but have no idea how to find a job there. I’m STUCK here doing homework for the next few months, no way around it…Did I mention I’m in a bad mood? I really don’t know what else to do, but to tap my troubles away. OK, I am not a dancer, but I’ll eat pizza and watch Gilda do the tapping. That might work…

Justin Timberlake PSA – Glaser and Schaefer

 

Please Justin Timberlake, make music again.

This message was brought to you by Nikki Glaser and Sara Schaefer, with a little help from our friend Carmen Lynch.

You might want to check out Nikki and Sara’s podcast You Had to be There, I know I will.

Dumb Ass Wedding Songs – Jessica Delfino

Alex-n-Jess-on-beach

Now Introducing the Bride and Groom and Their Dumb Ass Wedding Song

by Jessica Delfino

Dancing in a gown while my entire family watches is enough to reawaken every pathos and neurosis I managed to stuff way, way down inside my self, the way I used to with tissue paper in a brassiere. Used to? Who am I kidding. I did it last week. The bride and groom dance scares me almost as much as a fiery death also involving spiders. OK, let’s break it down. The way this typically works is, some dude you never met and probably don’t care much for who somehow conned you into forking over upwards of three grand to dick around with some of his favorite music for a few hours will introduce you as man and wife for the first time to whatever song you and your fiancé either caringly choose together or settle on, like you may have each other.

Today, we discuss some of the most popular songs for the newly wed bride and groom dance, and what it says about them.

A Whole New World, “Alladin” Sound Track

12 year olds, Arabians, Disney princess, those planning to come out of the closet at some point in the near future, practical “ironic” jokesters doing the best and most elaborate joke of their lives, those paid to use it, or a couple who forgot to specify what song they wanted, and this was the first song that came up on random. In short, I can’t think of one realistic reason that anyone might be doing any kind of dancing at all to this song at their wedding. I can already see in the comments, someone writing, “I like that song!” Please also note which one you are, above.

Always, Atlantic Starr

OK, so, this song owns in both an ironic and a totally for real way, and may very well be the song I choose for my wedding song. What does that say about me? Well, that I used to love rollerskating when I was 10, for one. Speaking of Atlantic Starr –

Secret Lovers, Atlantic Starr

It’s a nice coincidence that Atlantic Starr also boasts the rad “Secret Lovers” ballad about an illicit romantic affair. Play that song at your wedding if your husband left his wife to be with you. You won! Celebrate life’s little achievements.

Crazy, Patsy Cline

This is a great song to dance to at your wedding if you are Carole Boone (who married Ted Bundy), Doreen Lioy (who married Richard Ramirez), Tammi Saccoman (who married Erik Menendez), Rebecca Sneed (who married Lyle Menendez), and anyone else who is marrying a man on death row, because your ass be crazy.

Don’t Know Much, Linda Ronstadt and Aaron Neville [Read more...]

See Something Say Something Shoot – Killer Killy Dwyer

by Sara Gaddis

You might know Killy Dwyer.  You might’ve seen her on stage, crooning sweetly into a microphone while birthing a babydoll from her fishnets, or maybe pulling a diva move on her band, Kill The Band, and firing them all during the show?   Perhaps you may have seen her leading that group of surly gorillas through your neighborhood?  Maybe you saw her last Friday, caped and being chased by an angry group of tourists across the Brooklyn Bridge Park boardwalk?  That’s where I last saw her, and it was pretty goddamn terrific. [Read more...]

Zombie Lullaby – Jessica Delfino

By Jessica Delfino, follow her on twitter.

The worst part of New York is leaving it. There is no easy way to do it. If you take a bus, it could flip over and decapitate you. If you take a train, you have to ride on a train. Driving isn’t even an option.

But when a strange man invited me out of the blue to sing my ditties in a syndicated TV show that he was somehow involved in which featured zombies, an exit strategy was in order. There was talk of a hot tub, a small exchange of money and free food. Did someone say free food? The Scooby Doo meets Garfield in me clicked “LIKE” on the internal comment thread going on in my brain.

I googled the producers and people associated with the show to make sure they weren’t an off-spin of the Manson cult, and found no sufficient evidence proving or disproving any such link. ‘Good enough’, my inner warrior princess assured my outer twisted minstrel. “Let’s all go to New Jersey”, the various voices in my Gemini head announced. Well, one was singing.

At Penn Station, I met just the sweetest couple you have ever laid eyes on, who would be my escorts and advisors on this zombie adventure. We had a great chat about the biz, shared raisins or some such snack, laughed and also just cut right through the crap. In short, a great ride was had by all.

 We were greeted by our driver, a very friendly fellow who led us to our coach, a Mini Cooper, and chauffered us to the studio, simultaneously taking us on a brief and exhilarating tour of Princeton, NJ. When we pulled up in front of the studio, the place looked haunted. It was abandoned looking, with spotty patches of grass and no movement near or around it. It was the perfect place to film a TV show about zombies. It crossed my mind that this was not a TV show at all, but a real event involving real zombies. [Read more...]

The Best Video Christmas Card Ever!


Something you may or may not know about me…A Charlie Brown Christmas music makes me want to commit suicide. So when I saw this Video Christmas Card by Funny not Slutty Leslie Goshko I laughed out loud and watched it about 10 times in a row. An instant classic; send it to all your friends to spread the holiday do-do cheer. 

No really, I have to say I am very thankful this holiday season. I’m thankful that I’m not involved in any personal projects involving groups with Gentiles.  Because you people check out at about Halloween and we never see you again until after Valentine’s Day… 

 

I asked Leslie who the mysterious hand belongs to in the video, and to share a little about the “making of” this masterpiece -
“The mysterious hand in the video is my husband’s. Whether he likes it or not, he unavoidably gets roped into helping me (we made a short silent film a little while back: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QBq4OObsZ4E). 

Whenever we shoot a video together, there’s always an issue of ‘the camera.’ Namely, we never have anyone to deal with it. So, we use a really high tech way of getting the shot: we stack boxes or tables on top of each other and place the Flip camera on top. Bingo! Instant “camera person.” We have a lot of fun together. Plus I get to say things like, ‘Bitch slap my antler harder.’ Ah, love.”

Iliza Shlesinger at Laugh Factory, and contest for tickets!

Video from Laugh Factory, and visit Joy Barr’s contest on her FnS Comedy Network profile to “guess the comedian” for tickets! - http://funnynotslutty.ning.com/photo/which-la-based-comedienne-is

Iliza Shlesinger and her dog Blanche reenact the Sarah McLachlan ASPCA Commercial at the Laugh Factory’s 2010 Halloween weekend in Hollywood, CA. See more exclusive videos of Iliza at http://www.laughfactory.com

Jessica Delfino Knows How to Craft Vagina Material

Jessica Delfino

One of our favorite Funnies is Jessica Delfino, who really knows vagina material. After all, her pussy IS magic… Jessica speaks and sings confidently about her vagina in this lovely performance on Ars Nova NYC. And in the second video she is interviewed by Ted the Puppet and converses about her glamorous Tampax Christmas Ornaments, for which it is definitely the season. Buy one of these little gems today!

Scout Durwood Enchants NYC with Her Period

scout durwood

Scout Durwood sings a new anthem she wrote for women on The Global Look. A CITY WIDE local broadcast.
I Just Got My Period

Henry | Myspace Video

www.scoutdurwood.com