Anal for Christmas ~ Kill The Band

 

happy ending

Well, it’s KILL THE  BAND’s first single from the new EP Happy Ending. The whole album is available for digital download everywhere you can buy music (iTunes, Amazon, Rdio, Spotify).

This punk cabaret rock album emphasizes humor and explores several music genres. “Punk-rock has a three way with rap and comedy while musical theater jerks off in the corner…” The hard copy is available at www.KILLYTHEKID.com

 

‘We Can’t Stop’ by Linda Roy

Sometimes Parenting Is a Strategic Hot Mess 

New parents take note: all the horror stories you’ve heard are true. Those little bundles of joyous DNA will bring you joy mixed with terror. A piece of advice; enjoy your freedom now, because despite your best efforts to lay down the Parenting Law, they will run your life. Sometimes in the best way, others…not so much.

You will be limited in the culinary sense on a regular basis. You will not sleep past six. Your days of open affection under your own roof will be over unless you want to hear a chorus of “ewws!”. Your little darlings will keep you up all night. They will scream when you try to leave the park – for the fifth time – and they will “split” you. In therapist terms, that means as soon as you say no, Mom, they go straight to Dad and get their third bowl of Doritos. They know wassup.

And watch that potty mouth of yours. It may be your mouth, but you can’t say what you want to unless you want to hear it repeated back to you at Thanksgiving Dinner while Aunt Edna has a heart attack.

You think you’ve got it all figured out? You don’t. You just gotta roll with the punches, homies. ‘Cause sometimes parenting is nothing but a strategic hot mess.

 

Lyrics by Linda Roy
Music by Miley Cyrus

 

It’s no party, we can’t do what we want

It’s no party, we can’t say what we want

It’s no party, we can’t eat what we want

We can’t kiss when we want

We can’t sleep when we want

 

Ay!

 

Sippy cups and smelly bodies everywhere

Toys in the air like they don’t care

‘Cause they aim to have so much fun now

Least somebody else might have some now [Read more...]

Soldier reunited with a**hole cat ~ Jen Tullock

soldier and cat

Just..the best cat video ever made.

Jen Tullock is an actor, writer and, comedian. Her work has been featured at Second City, Broadway Comedy Club, The People’s Improv Theater, New York Stage and Film Festival, and Anthology Film Center. She is currently the co-host of The Morning After on Heritage Radio Network. Her debut rap album, Jenatari, was released in 2011.

4 Funny Female-Centric Web Series to Watch – Besties Edition

4 funny web series

You may remember the post 4 Funny Female-Centric Web Series to Watch from last November. Well I hope you are ready for more! Here are 4 more web series sent in by show producers and publicists. These are are 4 of my favorites, I think you will like them, too.

Brunch on Sundays

Brunch on Sundays was submitted by series Writer/Producer/Actor Shira Weitz. Set in Brooklyn every Sunday, a distressed Charlie reveals her ‘sexscapades’ over brunch, her tales enhanced by quirky flashbacks of how they went awry. Charlie’s live-now-ask-questions-later mentality often leaves her with the short end of the stick, but her unwavering confidence keeps her hilarious.

 

 Roomsies


Jenny and Meagan sent this their funnny (with 3 n’s) sketch comedy series Roomsies about two roommates who do weird stuff in their apartment. That pretty much sums it up.

 

Margot & Marie [Read more...]

Yoga Ladies from Up & Down Theatre Co.

 

yoga ladies

I was just in Denver and Boulder for 3 weeks. It was pretty much like this -

YOGA LADIES is a sketch from our satirical musical cabaret, WINNING THE FUTURE.  Up & Down Theatre (Robin Holloway, Kate Chavez, and myself) co-write and perform original sketches and songs that mock contemporary American cultural, economic, and political phenomenon.  This sketch just popped out in rehearsal one day as Kate and I were improvising a scene as Regan-era 80′s uber-capatalist power girlfriends, which somehow evolved into a conversation that very closely resembled the one you see in the sketch.  The imperialism theme emerged through improv, which feels like the greatest gift when trying to write a smart, funny comedy show.  I think this sketch has been among our most successful because we are really making fun of ourselves, and how vain the effort to avoid negatively impacting the planet or fellow human beings can feel as a first-world consumer.  I tried to do a cleanse once; that effort lasted about 30 hours.  I do love yoga though, and beeswax.
- Lindsey Hope Pearlman

http://www.upanddowntheatre.com/

 

Janet’s Missed Connection

britishdaniel

Janet Silverman is, in fact, a brilliant actor and writer but this is a true story. Names have NOT been changed to protect the innocent. Hopefully people can really relate to this experience, laugh at her insecurities, and share this like crazy so that Janet can find her Prince Charming and/or future murderer!

SERIOUSLY. If you know British Daniel: imbritishdaniel@gmail.com
#britishdaniel

To be continued…

 

International World State Pushup Champion ~ H. Lovelyn Bettison

funny champion

What the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve.
-  Napoleon Hill

I’ve heard this quote a hundred times, but never really believed it until just the other day. You may wonder what changed. Don’t worry, I’ll tell you.

It was a Wednesday when I looked in the mirror and noticed the lack of definition in my arms. I was devastated until I realized that I had the power to change. So I got down on the floor right then and there and did a pushup … okay it was a half pushup. It was more like a quarter of a pushup, but it was close enough. That’s how it all began.
 

I’m writing this to you Funny not Slutties today as the International World State Pushup Champion. That’s right. All you need is a dream and a random combination of words ending with the word champion and you too could be a winner like me!

Don’t believe me? Just watch this interview I did with International World State Champions of the Universe Video Magazine for proof.

 

H. Lovelyn Bettison

H. Lovelyn Bettison is an author and blogger. Read about the funny side of life on her blog Nebulous Mooch where life is all sunshine and sausages.

Ten Signs You’re This Side of Middle Age ~ Alexandra

signs of middle age

Middle age, halfway through your life. Suppose you live to be 72, divide that in half, and 36 is your middle age. Sounds so young, and yet… you’re not.

You can do the math to figure out if you’re on this side, or that side, of middle age – or take this comprehensive quiz for the answer.

1.  The summer headbands advertised on your Facebook sidebar look adorable on the 18-year-old model, but make you look like Crazy Mary who used to sweep the bridge downtown during rush hour.

2.  Red fingernail polish and red lipstick may be in style, but on you they’re Cruella Deville.

3.  When you walk down stairs in the morning you hear the sound of popping popcorn from your knee area.

4. There was a time when a tankini and skirted swimsuit did the trick, now a berka is required.

5.  While grocery shopping you blissfully hum along with and skip to the piped Muzak version of “I Got You Babe” by Sonny and Cher. [Read more...]

Poor Girls Morning Routine Part 2 – Mirra Laes

makeup-on-the-cheap-tips

Continued from Part 1

Face washed: meh. SPF lotion on: maybe. Unibrow deconstruction attempt: Ugh. Okay, now I’m ready for makeup.  The first makeup item is foundation, I don’t use that primer crap and I’m not entirely sure what that is all about either.  This foundation is probably the exact color my face was at least three months ago and the only application method is swooping my finger in the mini tub and rubbing it between my hands and then aggressively attacking my face.  I have no cotton balls or special brushes ….maybe someday I’ll have a nice looking container with a fancy black and white lace design, with some gold too, and will keep all my super soft makeup brushes in it and that will be all its used for.  At this time my hands are now covered with the foundation and I usually find an old towel or “something” to wipe them on.

On to the blush! The blush consists of a small compact that contains its own little cheap black brush with a cracked lid that often falls off.  Also I don’t remember when I bought it, like, at all.  Swoop Swoop, and I’m done with that step.  This is the point where I may put my glasses back on to find my coffee cup and chug it.  I also might put on some chap stick, Burts Bees, in case you were wondering.  Glasses back off and I reach for my eyeliner so I don’t look like I’m 13 years old on this particular day.  I’ve got to get the eye liner on before the coffee shakes begin and after the hangover shakes end.  Currently I don’t even have the right color because I accidently grabbed grey instead of black at my local Walgreens because I was in a hurry BECAUSE I probably had some cheese to eat at home or something, and grey is like a shitty black that just looks shitty. [Read more...]

Game of Kardashians. It could happen.

game-of-kardashians

The third season of Game of Thrones is over and I’m feeling down.  You too?  Or are you happy you don’t have to listen to all this “Mother of Dragons” crap at work anymore when you’d rather talk about Khloe, Kourtney and Kim?

To those indifferent to or haters of both Game of Thrones and the Kardashians:

I was you a year ago. I had never seen Game of Thrones or any show starring a Kardashian. The way I see it, all Thrones fandom is on a continuum between two extremes.

You read all 4,000+ pages before TV series ever started, rabidly devour series episodes, then complain about ways they’re inferior to the books. And…

Dragons, really? Characters called Theon Greyjoy and Samwell Tarly? You’re a serious, busy adult with no time for this sexed-up Lord of the Rings nonsense.

I’m somewhere in the middle, which means I still get confused about plot points like why Jorah is moping around in the friend zone with Dany or how Stannis ended up with red Morticia Addams. Or why Jon Snow is always called “Jon Snow” and never Jon or Johnny.

I haven’t read the books, which means I can’t ask the book people questions without getting all spoilered to hell. And I can’t even commiserate about the show being over for now, because I haven’t paid my 4,000 pages worth of dues. So I really only have two choices – I can either read the books, which means I’ll have to quit showering, working and raising my kid for a year (what could go wrong?) or I bring some of you non-Throne watching dragon-scoffers into the fold.

If you’ve been skipping Game of Thrones to watch Keeping Up With the Kardashians, I think you’d be surprised to learn how much these competing shows actually have in common:

  • Game of Thrones already features the Armenian-sounding Baratheons and Targeryens; wouldn’t a House of Kardashian fit right in? There might even be a House Kardashian.  (Shut it, book-snob. You don’t know; the last books haven’t even been written yet.) [Read more...]