Yoga Ladies from Up & Down Theatre Co.

 

yoga ladies

I was just in Denver and Boulder for 3 weeks. It was pretty much like this -

YOGA LADIES is a sketch from our satirical musical cabaret, WINNING THE FUTURE.  Up & Down Theatre (Robin Holloway, Kate Chavez, and myself) co-write and perform original sketches and songs that mock contemporary American cultural, economic, and political phenomenon.  This sketch just popped out in rehearsal one day as Kate and I were improvising a scene as Regan-era 80′s uber-capatalist power girlfriends, which somehow evolved into a conversation that very closely resembled the one you see in the sketch.  The imperialism theme emerged through improv, which feels like the greatest gift when trying to write a smart, funny comedy show.  I think this sketch has been among our most successful because we are really making fun of ourselves, and how vain the effort to avoid negatively impacting the planet or fellow human beings can feel as a first-world consumer.  I tried to do a cleanse once; that effort lasted about 30 hours.  I do love yoga though, and beeswax.
- Lindsey Hope Pearlman

http://www.upanddowntheatre.com/

 

International World State Pushup Champion ~ H. Lovelyn Bettison

funny champion

What the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve.
-  Napoleon Hill

I’ve heard this quote a hundred times, but never really believed it until just the other day. You may wonder what changed. Don’t worry, I’ll tell you.

It was a Wednesday when I looked in the mirror and noticed the lack of definition in my arms. I was devastated until I realized that I had the power to change. So I got down on the floor right then and there and did a pushup … okay it was a half pushup. It was more like a quarter of a pushup, but it was close enough. That’s how it all began.
 

I’m writing this to you Funny not Slutties today as the International World State Pushup Champion. That’s right. All you need is a dream and a random combination of words ending with the word champion and you too could be a winner like me!

Don’t believe me? Just watch this interview I did with International World State Champions of the Universe Video Magazine for proof.

 

H. Lovelyn Bettison

H. Lovelyn Bettison is an author and blogger. Read about the funny side of life on her blog Nebulous Mooch where life is all sunshine and sausages.

5 Ways To Celebrate Your Mess This Summer on the Fringe ~ Mallory Schlossberg

Sponsored by Molly Marjorie Rosenblatt Needs A Man (And Other Stuff)

So, we’re we’ll into the thick of summer (and that sounds disgusting), and well into half of 2013. If 2013 has not been going according to plan – didn’t lose those ten pounds? Haven’t found a husband/significant other/pet to alleviate your loneliness? Haven’t kicked your wine for dinner habit? Instead of beating yourself up, why not CELEBRATE it?

1. Go to your favorite bar in your sweatpants. OWN IT.

2. Eat an entire bag of pita chips because IT IS DELICIOUS.

3. Skip the workout for a shopping work out.

4. Delete your OK Cupid profile even though you haven’t met anybody. YOU’RE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOURSELF.

5.  Make an entire dinner out of the microwave. Carcinogenic? Maybe. Delicious? Potentially? Easy? YES.

http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/molly-marjorie-rosenblatt-needs-a-man-goes-to-fringenyc

There’s an ENTIRE MUSICAL this summer in NYC dedicated to celebrating your mess and not having it together. It’s at the NY International Fringe Festival. For more info, be sure to follow Molly on twitter (@MMRNeedsAMan), like her on Facebook, and check out www.mmrneedsaman.com.

Mallory Schlossberg is a writer and performer living in New York. Her original one woman musical “Molly Marjorie Rosenblatt Needs A Man (And Other Stuff)” has been performed multiple times at The Magnet Theater. For more of her musings, visit www.schlossed-by-mallory.tumblr.com, and follow her on twitter @malloryschloss.

Cathy Ladman Does Ferguson

Cathy Ladman is a  stand-up comedian, television writer, and actor. She was featured in her own installment of HBO’s One Night Stand comedy series, and has been a guest on The Tonight Show on nine occasions as well as TV shows like Roseanne, Dr. Katz, Professional Therapist, Caroline in the City (in a recurring role), and Everybody Loves Raymond. She won an American Comedy Award for Best Female Stand-Up Comic in 1992.

Cathy appeared on the Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson last night, and she gave us a little glimpse into her life to share along with the performance!

 

When did you first realize you were hilarious?

I think in kindergarten I used to do an impression of my school principal, the ancient Miss Carol (sp)?

Be honest, how rough were the first open mics?/ what was your worst stage experience?

They were okay, those first ones. Up and down. But I don’t remember them being devastating. My worst stage experience, if not one of my worst, was when I’d been doing stand-up for about a year. I took Amtrak to Philly and did a show at the Taproom, I believe, in Ambler, PA. (I think these are accurate names, but, who knows)? Anyway, I was wearing a cute, casual cotton summer skirt, and doing my act, and the audience starting murmuring, then talking, then heckling, and then things started hitting the stage. So, here’s what I did: I said, “Thank you, good night,” and left the stage. I said “Thank you”!!!! Jesus. Then, my best friend, Kathy, who still lived in Philly, at the time, and who is still my best friend, and I drove to a Friendly’s and ate something, and I cried. She wrote me a note and drew a picture on a napkin, and I kept it for years, until I think it may have gotten lost in a move in the past few years. It said, “You are very funny. If you ever need to know just call me, and I will tell you.”

How long did it take you to find your comedic voice, and how did you find it?

My comedic voice is really who I am, and I think it didn’t take me too long to relax into it on stage. And as I change, it changes (I hope).

What do you want the future to hold for Cathy Ladman?

A lot more acting, in TV and film. A lot more employment in those venues. And stand-up in theaters.

What would you tell your 18-year-old self?

Do it. Travel. Take the time to explore. Don’t doubt yourself. You have all you need. You are enough. Accept yourself.

 
 

Slutty but Funny

Natalie Wall likes to think she is a female comedian but the reality is she’s a NYC girl trying to make it big. If she’s not writing in her blog, Awkward Sex and the City, she’s spraying vanilla icing on a mini donut or thinking of ways to kill Dora from Dora the Explorer. Help her, humor her and fall in love with the pale pasty princess straight out of Compton (not really).

 
 

No Show: My One Woman Show Indiegogo Campaign ~ Jenn Dodd

No Show promo

http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/no-show-a-one-woman-show/x/2493684

Hello all of you funny-not-slutty’s, slutty-but-funny’s and lovers of hoo-ha ha-ha’s! [Read more...]

God Is the Ultimate Wingman – Linda Roy

Single Christian
God is blazing a technological trail into the 21st Century.

And how is the all knowing Creator doing it?

He’s running a dating site.

God is the ultimate wing man.  He’s the Heavenly Host with the most, the Almighty matchmaker. Because frankly, he’s tired of watching us mortals fuck it up. He’s seen the reality dating shows and decided it’d be a sin not to throw his two cents into the collective basket.

If you want something done right, do it Yourself.

People aren’t exactly flocking to church these days and He needs to increase his fan base. What better way than through the Otherworldly Wide Web.

Besides, now you don’t need background checks.  It’s nicely packaged as “mingling”. Suggests a level of purity.

I like that. There’s enough tawdry shit on the interwebs. Never mind that He’s got zero dating experience. It’s not like He’s going to hook you up with that schlub from Accounting who’s got the crusty Hustler collection stashed in the hall closet.  Plus, you’ll always have a Sunday morning brunch companion.

Not only that, but if you’re an aspiring actor or model, He’s got a website for that too! Wanna “shine for Christ in the entertainment industry”? Of course you do and God wants to be your agent. Oh…and sorry, I know becoming a Christian is automatic, but you might have to audition for this.

As for dating, it probably feels like you’ve spent 40 days and 40 nights flooded with the uncertainty of your romantic future. But fear not single Christian. On God’s dating site it’s raining men.

Hallelujah.

 

 

Single Christian

Music by Night Ranger
Lyrics by Linda Roy

 

Single Christian, oh the time has come

God’ll help you find the only one who’ll say

“Let’s Pray”

 

You’re ownin’ it

Trust your plight to Christ

He’ll find your Mr. Right

He runs a dating site

 

You’re smolderin’

It’s not like you’re Sasquatch

You’ll find God’s perfect match

The fish you’ll loaf to catch

 

Single Christian, oh the time has come

God’ll help you find the only one who’ll say

“Let’s pray”

 

‘Cause you’re smolderin’

Yeah, smolderin’

 

 

Linda Roy

Linda Roy fronts the Indie Americana band Jehova Waitresses alongside her guitar toting husband. Remarkably, after years of this they still haven’t killed each other. They live in Jersey with their two boys (somebody’s gotta carry the amps) and she unleashes an inner Larry David on her blog Mod Mom Beyond IndieDom.

 

Anne Frank Responds to Justin Bieber – Jenn Dodd

Anne Frank Responds to Justin Bieber - Jenn DoddAfter visiting the Anne Frank Museum, where Anne lived in hiding for two years with her family during the Holocaust, Justin Bieber signed the guest book “Hopefully Anne Frank would have been a belieber”. Wow, Justin, how humble of you! Glad to know you ‘got something’ from your time in Frank’s secret annex and somehow made it all about yourself. What he probably didn’t count on was Anne Frank having a YouTube account and putting it to good use by (sweetly) laying the smack down on the 19 year old dooface. Comedian, Jenn Dodd, plays a young Anne Frank.


[Read more...]

The Tampon Virgin – Kate Chamuris

Screen shot 2013-03-25 at 9.12.31 AM

Remember your first time? Using a tampon, I mean! In this video by Kate Chamuris (featuring Chamuris with Ruby Marez and Hannah Chase), there is some serious girl-talk about losing one’s…tampon virginity, which, by the way, is a totally taboo subject. Find out what the first time was like. It’s hilarious, and will definitely bring you back to that fateful day…

http://www.katechamuris.com/

 

Mallory Schlossberg is a writer and performer living in New York. Her original one woman musical “Molly Marjorie Rosenblatt Needs A Man (And Other Stuff)” has been performed multiple times at The Magnet Theater. For more of her musings, visit www.schlossed-by-mallory.tumblr.com, and follow her on twitter @malloryschloss.

“I Can’t Believe I Had Sex With You” – Valentine Music Vid by MVPleez – Natalie Wall

Screen shot 2013-02-14 at 10.23.05 AM
With Valentine’s Day now upon us, there is only one thing we single ladies can do: shudder at our regrettable sexual lovers. All. Of. Them.

It’s okay. We all have our past sexual anguishes. No judgment. Revel in your past drunken stupidity, by drinking even more. It’s a vicious cycle really, but it’s the only way mistakes are made.

So grab a bottle of three-dollar wine, order that free Papa John’s pizza you won from the Super Bowl coin-toss, and commiserate with the ladies of MVPleez about letting that scab kiss your boobs. Repeatedly.

And cry. You should probably cry, too. Like, a lot.

MVPleez is Monica West and Valentine Bureau. Two ladies from NYC who turn their every day lives into music videos. Because, well, why wouldn’t you?
www.MVPleez.com * follow us! https://twitter.com/#!/MVPleez

 

Slutty but Funny

Natalie Wall likes to think she is a female comedian but the reality is she’s a NYC girl trying to make it big. If she’s not writing in her blog, Awkward Sex and the City, she’s spraying vanilla icing on a mini donut or thinking of ways to kill Dora from Dora the Explorer. Help her, humor her and fall in love with the pale pasty princess straight out of Compton (not really).

 

Buttski & Glasscock Take the Stage Just for You – Natalie Wall

Well, maybe not solely for you. But maybe, especially if you are industry folk, then Buttski & Glasscock, (along with an array of hilarious character comedians), are definitely getting on the stage specifically for you.

Any who, Funny Not Slutty is proud to announce that our lovely, Miss Jenn Dodd, shall be performing her monthly show, “Buttski and Glasscock New Talent Blow Out,” this Friday, February 8th, at 9:30 p.m at The People’s Improv Theater located in New York City.

For those of you that don’t know, few things:

  • Jenn is fucking hilarious.
  • The People’s Improv Theater is located 123 east 24th street, NYC.
  • Jenn is fucking hilarious.
  • This show is “character comedy.” In character comedy the comedian performs as though he/she is the character created by him/her…and…

[Read more...]