Valentine Affirmations for Junior High School Girl Nerds in The 80s, Like Myself

80s Nerd Awesomeness

  1. This is, like, the perfect shade of frosted pink lipstick for me.
  2. My choice of perfume, Spring Forth Nimbly by Amplitude, is pretty awesome.
  3. I don’t care that Tanya got a singing telegram.
  4. Like my mom says, I’m big boned. So if, like, if girls were allowed to play ice hockey, I would, like, smack Tanya in the face accidentally with my stick, but my school is sooo sexist.
  5. I would also like to wrestle. Maybe Mr. Jones, the art teacher who is from San Diego (oh my god, California!) and makes still-lifes from milk containers that are kind of suggestive. At least to me.
  6. [Read more...]

Remember the Cool – Hall and Oates

hall-and-oates-funny

I realize that sometimes things are so uncool that they’re cool. I learned the inverse of this concept when flipping through a baby name book my mother had bought before I was born, which listed “Megan” in the section “Names so in, they’re out ,” which pretty much means that, as a fetus, I was already doomed to a life of being just a few indie rock references short of an OC episode. I also realize that there are some things which people love “ironically,” and this just pisses me off, because I’m really into sincerity. I’ve only based, like, three of my past four relationships on lies regarding either my sexual history, religion, or feelings toward Arcade Fire.

Anyways, this column is a list of things that aren’t cool but should be because I have declared them awesome: [Read more...]

Slutty but Funny – 80′s Fashion. It’s Back.

tom_selleck glasses

Ladies, it is time. It is time for us to admit that the 80’s are back and it looks so damn good. On men, that is. (Step away from the crimper, Sarah.)

So yes, I’m talking to you, good sir, with the glorious Tom Selleck mustache.

And yes, you, Mr. Strong legs, rocking the bright red shorty-shorts. You say the length of the shorts helps with your endless cross-country training? Sure it does. But it helps me get through those cold and lonely nights, so you wear those bad boys all you damn well please. [Read more...]

The Jessie Spano Effect: Why We’re Still Afraid of Feminism

Blogging Molly
The “Jessie Spano” Effect: Why We’re Still Afraid of Feminism in 2010
By Molly Knefel

If you’re anything like me, you’ve spent much of your adulthood recovering from the disappointment that life is not like Saved by the Bell said it would be. Nerds aren’t best friends with cool kids, caffeine pills don’t get you high, and Mark-Paul Gosselaar’s hair isn’t even blonde. But I was born in the 80s and grew up watching the show after school, and I was too young to know any better.

Recently, thanks to the miraculous series of tubes that is the Internet, I went back and watched the show again for the first time since childhood. Despite the fact that SBTB got it wrong on a few things (caffeine pills, especially), I still think it’s a fantastic show. But there was one aspect that stood out to me this time around. In the 15 years since I last watched, I have learned a lot. One of the things I’ve learned (besides caffeine pills don’t get you high) is this wacky idea called Feminism, which is basically just the idea that all people should be treated equally regardless of gender, race, or class. And there is something more important than caffeine pills that Saved by the Bell got wrong. Her name is Jessie Spano.

Jessie, as you may remember, was a feminist. She was also an egghead, a sometimes-cheerleader, and Slater’s girlfriend. Jessie was a relatively progressive character; she used words like “chauvinist,” she thought women should be valued for intelligence rather than looks, and she cared about the environment. This reminds me of how, in high school, any time I would advocate human rights I would be called a “tree-hugger”– anyone crazy enough to love humans or women must REALLY love trees, too. But, I digress: my point is, Jessie was pretty right-on, and it’s cool that the writers of the show were willing to articulate such issues. Right? Right… except for one problem. Slater.

[Read more...]