Top 5 Reasons Why I Despise Camping With a Fiery, Hellish Passion

 Funny not Slutty by the Numbers by Blythe Jewell

camping

5.  The Husband Loves It WAY Too Much.

About a week before the trip, he starts to get giddy.  He checks the weather forecast three times a day.  He makes lists of things to pack.  He NEEDS stuff.  His tent is old.  He doesn’t have any good camping tools.  If I really want to be comfortable, we’ll need a new air mattress, and new sleeping bags.  Of course I really DO want to be comfortable, so four thousand dollars later we’re all ready for the trip that was supposed to be a cheap alternative to that French Riviera cruise I wanted to take.

He wants me to be as excited as he is.  I’m not.  This annoys him.  That annoys ME. 

We haven’t even left the house yet, and already camping sucks.

4.  It’s Nothing But a Bunch of Work.

You wake up early.  You pack a bunch of crap in your car.  It doesn’t fit.  You UNpack it, then pack it again.  You barely make it fit.  You realize that you forgot some stuff.  You curse.  You start over.  Now you’re cranky.

You drive for hours, get there, unpack all the crap, realize even MORE stuff you’ve forgotten, curse.  Crankier.

You set up campsite #1, realize the spot you chose is too hot, so you move to campsite #2.  You realize campsite #2 is too cold.  You curse.  You move to campsite #3.  Cranky times ten.

After not sleeping – at all – because you forgot the sleeping bags and the *new* air mattress deflated halfway through the night, you get up the next morning and pack everything BACK up in your car.  You realize you somehow managed to forget some stuff.  You curse.  You drive off, abandoning the air mattress at the nearest dumpster, muttering to yourself, with lots of cursing, that it was just a piece of crap anyway.

Fun!

3.  No Wi-Fi.

Seriously!  It’s like we’re ANIMALS or something.

2.  The Coffee Sucks. 

Seriously!  Nobody EVER remembers the Splenda.  It’s like we’re ANIMALS or something. [Read more...]