I’ll Stay Here and Guard the Knife Drawer – That 70’s Blow

Humorist Traci Foust

That 70’s Blow

by Traci Foust

A few weeks ago I was on a Vermont radio talk show promoting my memoir about OCD. I assumed the host’s questions would be related to all the fun that comes along with things like even numbers and licking mailboxes, but two minutes into sharing my online shopping secrets for agoraphobic shut-ins, the host asks me this: “Wouldn’t you agree cocaine abuse is on the rise?”

            “I’m sorry?”  Did he say cocaine? Like snorting cocaine? Like roller skates/Donna Summer/bow-chicka-bow-wow cocaine?

            Maybe I misunderstood my PR manager’s instructions and dialed into the wrong show.

            “Um, I’m not really sure about cocaine addiction.” I answered, then tried to figure out how I was going to politely steer the conversation away from 1978 and back toward why Ativan is better than Xanax for panic attacks. “I’ve always been a big fan of Brian De Palma films if that’s what you mean.”

            The host’s name was Ronald—a very retro name indeed, summoning memories of the man who starred in the first porno I’d ever watched as well as the first clown to convince me how wrong the whole clown idea really is. Also, when I Googled the studio website Ronald’s picture showed him sporting a non-ironic yellowing moustache, one that probably came in around the time Frampton came to life and hadn’t left his face since. [Read more...]