Overly Religious Southern Baptists…BITE ME – Slutty but Funny

Southern Baptists,

Let’s chat.

Now I’m not going to sit here and berate you on your hypocritical religious beliefs.  I saw that Mitt Romney was your commencement speaker, Liberty University. (…I watch the news…and yes,  The Daily Show can be considered “news.”) Last I heard y’all called Mormons a “religious cult.”

And I’m not even going to talk about your uncanny ability to alienate any person who doesn’t conform to your “ideals.”

But if you are going to make me listen to a twenty minute introduction about the groomsmen in your fucking Southern Baptist “dry” wedding BEFORE food has even been served, you better believe I’m going to openly pour vodka into the sparkling apple cider you’re trying so hard to pass off as champagne.

Side note: If the usher has to constantly announce that the groomsmen, “is a good Christian man, and he’s fun to hang out with!” He’s not fun to hang out with. [Read more...]

Slutty but Funny – Drunk

DrunkNo matter how open I am with myself, there are so many things that I always seem to “conveniently” forget about in public situations. One being the fact that there are certain alcoholic beverages that basically turn me into a whore on any given day and/or night.

I know some of you reading this have witnessed this beautiful feat first hand, and for that I am truly sorry for making you relive that moment that you have tried so hard to block out of your memory. Whatever, shit happens.
I think all ladies need to remember this special fact. (Gentlemen, take note.) Seeing as we all have that “ special drink.” Personally, there are three specific types of alcohol that turn me into a Grade-A whore in under sixty minutes of consumption: champagne, red wine and tequila. [Read more...]