Slutty But Funny – It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

funny_natalie
by Natalie Wall

You know, it wasn’t supposed to be like this.

I wasn’t supposed to be living with my parents after I graduated college, let alone living with them for nine months… and counting.

I wasn’t supposed to be moping around my house screaming at my mom for more mayo to dip my morning sausage links into.

I never thought the highlight of my week would become the moment I figured I could fashion my Kansas City Chief koozies into the perfect cooler for my vat of mayo.

“If you really fucking love me you’ll stop buying this Miracle Whip shit.” [Read more...]

Anti-Mommy Baby Purse

funny anti mommy purse

Amy Vansant is The Anti-Mommy. Writer, blogger (http://www.kidfreeliving.com/), professional nerd, and shameless Labradoodle mommy. Amy is probably at a restaurant drinking wine as you are reading this right now.

I know how Mother Theresa must have felt. Sometimes, when you see a need – nay, an injustice - you just have to do something about it.

I am tired of watching people schlub along with their babies strapped to them like so much extra ammo. You can take a perfectly fine looking woman, hang a kid in a sack on her, and *poof!* — she is instantly transformed into a 1900s Polish potato picker.  Sling it to the side and she looks like a dirty little hippie momma. Put it on her back and she looks like a pack animal. Strap it to her front – my god. I can’t even discuss that atrocity. What’s even the point of having boobs at that point? [Read more...]

Bubble and Squeak – Picky Eaters

What my kids used to eat was peanut butter on crackers, pasta with parmesan, yoghurt, but only banana flavored. The dinner table was a landscape of beige.
I pushed broccoli for a while, saying, “You could pretend you are a T.Rex eating a tree!”

T. Rexes are meat-eaters, Mom.”

“Oh, that’s right.”

Silence.

Me again: “What about a Brontosaurus?”

“Who wants to be an herbivore?” They said.  The dinosaurs were not on my side.

One night, after trying many different methods: the your granddad loves broccoli, the little Stevie across the street who gave you his old bike likes carrots, I became aggravated and blurted out, “You know, in this country called France, children eat frogs.” [Read more...]

Bubble and Squeak: Short Cocktail History of My Summer Hook-Ups


This is the first installation of Bubble and Squeak, a Funny not Slutty food column by humorist Elizabeth Bastos.

The Short Cocktail History of My Summer Hook-Ups,
circa 1998

 

Tequila Shot

Frozen Margarita

Bar Peanuts

Tequila Shot

Frozen Margarita

Tequila Shot

Flaming Scorpion Bowl, very suggestively outfitted with two straws

Jalapeno Poppers

Nachos with Everything, including the vow I made to myself to be celibate forever; my last boyfriend was a jerk [Read more...]