You Poor, Stupid, Sad, Fat Girl by Adrianne Frost

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In the movies and on television, fat girls have it pretty bad. Frankly, fat girls are fucked. End of story. I personally have died twice, as a poor, stupid, sad, fat girl.

The first time I died, it was because my boyfriend was in the Al Qaeda. He was using me to get some kind of Al Qaeda shenanigans going. I had met him on the internet, in an “I like fat chicks” website that my fat friend and I trolled. He thought I discovered his plot and had me killed. The killer was a handsome stranger who flirted with me in a liquor store, whom I followed and, presumably gave a blowjob to in hopes of true love (because that’s what fat girls do), but was strangled and left in a boiler room in Brooklyn instead.

The second time I died, Cuba Gooding, Jr. found me at my job at an elementary school, and he charmed me into meeting him later for dinner by jump starting my car and flashing a toothy grin. He comes to pick me up at my apartment and my roommate tells him that I got freaked out, thinking I wasn’t attractive enough for him and I went off unaccompanied. So, I’m all alone in the bar, looking sad, when the dashing Neil McDonaugh (a time-traveling murderer) sidles up and begins a friendly conversation. I welcome that, because I hardly ever get attention paid to me. I go to the bathroom, Neil follows me, Cuba gets there too late and I get eviscerated. I’m serious. I had a big “Y” cut into my chest. I looked like a bullfrog, in a nice dress, who wandered into a science class.

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This wasn’t real-life, of course, but two acting jobs I had. I have noticed that this happens with most movies and TV shows: fat girl ends up with not-fat guy because he is using her or she is so desperate that she doesn’t realize he is a serial killer/rapist/puppy eater. Most of these characters are flattered and flustered when a white, physically fit, non-UPS driver pays them any mind. It’s like they’re looking at a work of art that they can never afford. And who would sell it to them, anyway?

Mostly, I get stuck as the 911 operator, patrol-car cop or EMT. You know, the sit down jobs. We can’t run, you know. That’s why you never see us on “The Walking Dead”, we done got ate. Once, I was cast as a lawyer who was not described as “heavyset” in the breakdown. I was just a normal, money hungry, ambulance-chasing attorney representing a killer. It felt progressive. Then, a few years later, I’m in Baton Rouge, getting dissected by a handsome actor. [Read more...]

The Chelsea Girl (1943) Episode One – Lucia Brizzi

It’s New York City, it’s 1943, and Lucia Brizzi is a thoroughly modern woman. If only she can only escape the stranglehold of her domineering father, drunken mother, and pathetic bore of an ex-fiancé. All changes when she meets her match, her sworn enemy turned accidental lover, misogynistic newspaperman John Powell. This battle of the sexes nods to classic Screwball Rom Coms, satirizing antiquated ideas about sexuality that still resonate today.

** For all things The Chelsea Girl (1943), visit TheChelseaGirl1943.Tumblr.com, and Follow on Facebook @ The Chelsea Girl (1943)

REVENGE ITALIANO – Lucia Brizzi


 

Revenge italianoThis summer a theater reviewer wrote in in the Boston Globe,  “Lucia Brizzi struggles with how passionate Italian women act.” So I made a video where I knock her off.  Then my boyfriend/ director turned out to be, how do I say this, a pussy, so I knocked him off. And so Revenge Italiano was born!

Set at my family’s restaurant in historic Borem Hill, I’ve created my own brand of slapstick, silent film era videography, pulling stylistically from ‘Raging Bull,’ celebrating New York, and allowing me to wear funny things and yell out of windows.

A lot of people ask me who Mike Toro, the mafia don of the series, is to my character. I describe him as a father/ husband and revel in the discomfort created by that confusion. After all, in the 1920’s who could tell the difference? [Read more...]

Funny not Slutty of the Week – Stephanie Faith Scott

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Stephanie Faith Scott is half of comedy production duo Good Catch Productions. Stephanie along with her husband, Eric Rasmussen, produced FnS favorite series The RetributionersThe Retributioners is a hilarious NYC produced series about a woman’s quest to seek validation and revenge on everything from ex-boyfriends, former friends, people who stole her taxi, and everything in between. Their popular episode Drunk Dial Party was on the first “edition” of Funny not Slutty in May of 2008. Stephanie graciously granted an FnS audio interview later that year (listen below). She and Eric have a new series coming soon, so stay tuned to FnS for more details. And Steph will be a speaker at the first Web Series Summer Camp, sponsored by WGA-East in NYC August 28.

2008 FnS Audio Interview with Stephanie:

In the FnS Comuity: http://funnynotslutty.ning.com/profile/TheRetributioners
Website: http://www.theretributioners.tv/