Ask The Suniverse on FnS – Vol. 1 Edition 8

funny-not-slutty-suniverse-meme

Confused? Uncertain? Worried you’re not quite fresh enough down there? I’m here to solve your problems. As an oldest child, I’m dedicated to bossing people around. As an overeducated degree collector, I’m full of knowledge that’s only suitable at FunnynotSlutty. Questions? Contact me at suniverse[dot]email[at]gmail[dot]com. You can also peruse my profanity-laced invective at my blog, The Suniverse, or follow me on Twitter, @TheSuniverse. Enjoy, lovers.

Dear Suniverse,

What do you do to market yourself as a brand?

Not Proctor & Gamble

 

[Read more...]

Ask The Suniverse on FnS – Vol. 1 Edition 7

Confused? Uncertain? Worried you’re not quite fresh enough down there? I’m here to solve your problems. As an oldest child, I’m dedicated to bossing people around. As an overeducated degree collector, I’m full of knowledge that’s only suitable at FunnynotSlutty. Questions? Contact me at suniverse[dot]email[at]gmail[dot]com. You can also peruse my profanity-laced invective at my blog, The Suniverse, or follow me on Twitter, @TheSuniverse.
Enjoy, lovers.

 

DEAR SUNIVERSE:

If men have sexy, sexual wives, why do they STILL go to slutty strip bars, discuss with strippers their lives, and come home to tell you that the stripper is now a “friend”? Lord god, kill me now.

I Can’t Believe This is Happening [Read more...]

Ask The Suniverse on FnS – Vol. 1 Edition 5

holidays-blog

Suniverse-Funny-AdviceConfused? Uncertain? Worried that you’re not quite fresh enough down there? I’m here to solve all your problems.  As an oldest child, I’m quite used to bossing people around and telling them what to do.  As someone who has spent countless years and more student loan money than I’d care to think about attending ever more esoteric classes, I’m filled with the type of knowledge that isn’t suitable anywhere else.  Questions? Contact me at suniverse[dot]email[at]gmail[dot]com.  You can also enjoy my profanity-laced invective at my blog, The Suniverse, or follow me on Twitter, @TheSuniverse.  Enjoy, lovers. 

Dear Suniverse,

How do I get through another sad and lonely Christmas? [Read more...]

Ask The Suniverse on FnS – Vol 1 Edition 4

sex-drought

Confused? Uncertain? Worried that you’re not quite fresh enough down there? I’m here to solve all your problems.  As an oldest child, I’m quite used to bossing people around and telling them what to do.  As someone who has spent countless years and more student loan money than I’d care to think about attending ever more esoteric classes, I’m filled with the type of knowledge that isn’t suitable anywhere else.  Questions? Contact me at suniverse[dot]email[at]gmail[dot]com.  You can also enjoy my profanity-laced invective at my blog, The Suniverse, or follow me on Twitter, @TheSuniverse.  Enjoy, lovers. 
 

Dear Suniverse,

I have not had ANY SEX AT ALL in six years and thirteen days. Will I ever have ANY SEX AT ALL? And also, do I now qualify as revirginised? [Read more...]

Ask The Suniverse on FnS – Vol 1 Edition 3

  [Read more...]

Ask The Suniverse on FnS – Vol 1 Edition 2

Confused? Uncertain? Worried you’re not quite fresh enough down there? I’m here to solve your problems. As an oldest child, I’m dedicated to bossing people around. As an overeducated degree collector, I’m full of knowledge that’s only suitable at FunnynotSlutty. Questions? Contact me at suniverse[dot]email[at]gmail[dot]com. You can also peruse my profanity-laced invective at my blog, The Suniverse, or follow me on Twitter, @TheSuniverse. Enjoy, lovers. 

 

Dear Suniverse,

Why is Mariah Carey?

Confused


Dear Confused,

Why, indeed?

I confess, I know very little about Mariah Carey.  I know that she’s married to Nick Cannon, but the only reason I know who Nick Cannon is is because he was once on The Chappelle Show.  Is he a muppet?  Is she? [Read more...]

Ask The Suniverse on FnS – Vol. 1 Edition 1

Confused? Uncertain? Worried you’re not quite fresh enough down there? I’m here to solve your problems. As an oldest child, I’m dedicated to bossing people around. As an overeducated degree collector, I’m full of knowledge that’s only suitable at FunnynotSlutty. Questions? Contact me at suniverse[dot]email[at]gmail[dot]com. You can also peruse my profanity-laced invective at my blog, The Suniverse, or follow me on Twitter, @TheSuniverse. Enjoy, lovers. 

Dear Suniverse,

I am about to move to a very small town, where I will no doubt immediately alienate most of the population, terrify some and enrage the rest. Do you think I should I buy a red or yellow bicycle for the road raging event that I am sure will see the end of me?

Small Town Problems  [Read more...]