Continued from Part 1
Face washed: meh. SPF lotion on: maybe. Unibrow deconstruction attempt: Ugh. Okay, now I’m ready for makeup. The first makeup item is foundation, I don’t use that primer crap and I’m not entirely sure what that is all about either. This foundation is probably the exact color my face was at least three months ago and the only application method is swooping my finger in the mini tub and rubbing it between my hands and then aggressively attacking my face. I have no cotton balls or special brushes ….maybe someday I’ll have a nice looking container with a fancy black and white lace design, with some gold too, and will keep all my super soft makeup brushes in it and that will be all its used for. At this time my hands are now covered with the foundation and I usually find an old towel or “something” to wipe them on.
On to the blush! The blush consists of a small compact that contains its own little cheap black brush with a cracked lid that often falls off. Also I don’t remember when I bought it, like, at all. Swoop Swoop, and I’m done with that step. This is the point where I may put my glasses back on to find my coffee cup and chug it. I also might put on some chap stick, Burts Bees, in case you were wondering. Glasses back off and I reach for my eyeliner so I don’t look like I’m 13 years old on this particular day. I’ve got to get the eye liner on before the coffee shakes begin and after the hangover shakes end. Currently I don’t even have the right color because I accidently grabbed grey instead of black at my local Walgreens because I was in a hurry BECAUSE I probably had some cheese to eat at home or something, and grey is like a shitty black that just looks shitty. [Read more...]
Here is a stunning design from this year’s Rio Fashion Week. Look at how seamlessly the designer was able to incorporate long sleeves and metal bars into a single suit. Usually you can only get one or the other. I should warn you, however, that you absolutely must not wear this suit in sunshine. No one enjoys the feeling of burning metal against their bosoms, except for me during a brief experimental period in the 1980′s.
Looking for something sexy to wear this summer? How about this liberating one-piece? All you need is two friends to help you get into it and a large bottle of sunscreen. Just think of the tan lines – you shall be the striped tigress of Chili’s or wherever people like you go to eat. 
Colombians are prone to embellishment, to taking a story and making it even grander. It was Gabriel Marquez, the famed Colombian novelist, who proclaimed, “To Colombians, life is a stage.”
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