You’ve Come a Long Way, Slutty Nurse! A Feminist Retrospective of Slutty Halloween Costumes

by K A B L O O E Y

Halloween isn’t ’till tomorrow, but I’m already tired of hearing about how horrible costumes for women have become.  They’re ubiquitous, these hard-hitting journalistic exposes from the Slut Aisle at Party City. I guess with no hurricane to blow reporters sideways as they tell us it’s windy out, they’ve got to talk about something.

I’m going to go out on a limb here and just say it: the women’s movement must have worked, because kids these days have it way better than we did.  When I was a young woman, my costume career choices were limited – I could be a slutty French maid or a slutty nurse, period.

Now? A girl’s options are a veritable skankiness rainbow.  No longer is she limited by traditional gender roles. If she wants to be a cowgirl, hockey player or SWAT Commander, there’s a sexy costume to make her dream a reality.  Her older brother’s dressing up as a lumberjack and her younger one as an astronaut?  She can do the exact same thing! See?

slutty costumes 1slutty costumes 2That’s not to mention the strides made away from the race-baiting, stereotypical costumes of the past. I remember a time when you could actually walk into a costume store and buy a Sexy Indian Maiden outfit with its own little rubber tomahawk. That’s not so today: she’s a Native American Tomahawk Hottie, now. [Read more...]

What Your Halloween Costume Says To the World Infographic – K A B L O O E Y

costume-says

K A B L O O E Y

K A B L O O E Y is a 47 year old non-practicing filmmaker who lives with Phineas at an undisclosed suburban location. Their three kids are Moochie (6), Lonzie (20) and The Big Puppy (22). She (who am I kidding, I’m writing this myself) tweets @kblooey and has two goals: 1) To make creative work a central part of my life, and 2) To keep my family from needing the services of the Supernanny.

 

Héléne Bouffant on Halloween Fashion

It is I, Héléne Bouffant, back with more fashion advice for the unwashed masses (that’s you). In today’s column, I shall attempt to get into the spirit of the season and talk about Halloween costumes. Personally, I don’t care for Halloween. Why on earth would you want to pretend to be anything other than the fashion-froward goddess that you are?  That is why every year, I go as myself. One Halloween, some horrible little child dressed as “the Spiderman” walked up to me and said, “What ARE you?!” To which I replied, “I am HÉLÉNE BOUFFANT! And you look TERRIBLE!” His parents were furious, but I bet he won’t dress that way again! And so another fashion disaster has been crushed in its infancy by Héléne Bouffant.

I did some searching around the internet for Halloween costumes for women, and I must say, I was absolutely OVERWHELMED by the number of career options for women that were represented in costume! Those who think the fight for ladies’ rights is dead had better take a second look! Why, for Halloween women can be anything! Here are just a few of the ensembles I found in the “Women’s Career Costumes” section of various websites.

 

Police officer

Sexy Police Officer Costume
I’ve never heard of this town, “Busted.” Must be outside of the Hamptons.

[Read more...]

Kablooey’s Annual Halloween Guide Part II

Click here for Kablooey’s Part I

 

Oxymoronic Costumes I Found Online:

 

funny mental

Because serious mental illness is hawt.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

1. Sexy Straight Jacket
2. Sexy Skunk
3. Sexy Sea Turtle
4. Sexy Watermelon
5. Sexy Statue of Liberty

 

K A B L O O E Y’s Halloween Pet Peeves:

 

1.    Designers of every costume listed above.  Just because you cut the Willie Wonka costume off at the crotch doesn’t mean you’ve created “Sexy Willie Wonka.”   [Read more...]

Kablooey’s Annual Halloween Guide Part I

An Illustration of How Costume Companies Devise Their Ideas:

 

Costume-Companies-Kablooey-web 

 

People Who Love Halloween:  [Read more...]

Memoirs of My America – Penny for a Peanut Butter Twist

There we stood: the hobo, the circus clown with the red SOS pad sidehair, Casper the friendly ghost, and Fred Flintstone.

My Colombian family had not been in this country long enough to understand all the essential childhood nuances of Halloween’s Trick or Treat in the 1960′s, especially for a girl:

The Trick or Treat Night Dream List:

My costume will be home made and glittery and have some netting, somewhere

My trick or treat candy bag will be home made and glittery and match my costume


The Please Dear God Basics List: [Read more...]

Top 10 Halloween Costume FAILS

by stark. raving. mad. mommy.   You can vote for her on the Babble site, she is #6 down the page at the moment. It just takes a click. http://www.babble.com/babble-50/mommy-bloggers/nominate-a-blogger/

It has been a gradual slide into the complete whorification of Halloween, but we’re there. Almost everything is “sexy” now, even things just aren’t even sexy. Like bugs. And Mrs. Potato Head. And fruit. And the things that aren’t sexy? Are baffling.

Even bugs are whorey now. Also, the model looks like she just farted.

Oh, nothing says sexy like a cartoon character that lives in the sewer with a decrepit rat sensei. There are so many things wrong with this costume. First of all, it doesn’t even look like a turtle. Second of all, is there a new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle movie out or something? Because the last time I heard anything about those guys was circa 1990. Thirdly, and most importantly, this costume was in the “International Costumes” section. What, because they were “ninjas”? Those things lived in New York City. Geography / Timeliness / Sexy / Remotely-Looking-Like-Character FAIL.

 

Wow. This costume manages to be offensive on so many levels. I think even fans of the Atlanta Braves / Cleveland Indians / Florida State Seminoles / Washington Redskins would find this disgusting. Cultural understanding FAIL.

 

I’m not a religious person, and even I know this is appalling. Plus? Nuns would wear black tights. Duh. Bible Fashion Study FAIL. [Read more...]