Eat This! Give-me-chocolate-or-give-me-death Brownies


Eat This! on Funny not Slutty – Real recipes, made real funny.
by Heather Davis

Every month there comes a time when a woman just wants to be comforted and only chocolate will do. I do not care how totally awesome your new boyfriend is; he will not do. I do not care if your husband held your hair back through 56 weeks of morning sickness; he’s not what you will want. LOOK! Unless it’s that time when YOU need your chocolate, you just won’t get it, so go ahead and shut up and read the recipe! File it away until your Aunt Flow starts knocking on your door then make it. You’re welcome. Geez…

Ingredients

  • 1 pkg large fudge brownie mix
    (No it doesn’t matter what brand. Just grab a box – any box – as long as it is the “large” kind. It might say “family” but you will not be sharing these with your family.)
  • 1 6-oz container vanilla yogurt
    (Trust me: This is not healthy. You will like it.)
  • 1/3 c butter, softened
    (Real butter. Do not think that margarine or canola oil or any of that other pansy-fake-butter-crap will do. It won’t.)
  • 1 t vanilla
    (If any of your super-lucky friends have been to Mexico lately, have them bring you back some Mexican vanilla. And some tequila. And a leather purse – everything’s a steal down there!) [Read more...]

EAT THIS! Too-Damn-Early-Breakfast Casserole

Eat This! on Funny not Slutty – Real recipes, made real funny.
by Heather Davis

I don’t do mornings well… or at all. So imagine my utter fit-throwing when I decided to go to bed at about 1 in the AM after a wild-night of Facebooking only to discover that I had to fix breakfast for 60 people in the morning for church. There was No. Freakin’. Way. After I whined and wished upon a star that we could just skip Sunday all together, I quickly ran to Hellmart and grab my supplies, dumped it all in the crockpot and went to sleep hoping for the best. As it turns out, it was pretty good!

Ingredients

  • 1 20-oz bag of frozen shredded hashbrowns (if you’re felling all Pioneer-Woman-ish you can absolutely shred your own potatoes or dice them whatever – knock yourself out! As for me and my house, we will buy frozen.)
  • 18 large eggs
  • 2 c milk
  • 3 c shredded cheese, any kind you wish. I used 2 c of cheddar and 1 c of mozzarella (Again, shred your own if you’re self-righteous and whatnot and have unlimited time on your hands; I am not above buying the pre-shredded stuff)
  • 1 pkg of pre-cooked bacon, chopped (Seeing a theme here? Do not work if you don’t have to!) [Read more...]

EAT THIS! Lasagna a la Leftovers

leftovers-lasagna

Eat This! on Funny not Slutty – Real recipes, made real funny.

by Heather Davis

This year I thought the Quartering Act of the American Revolution had been reinstated for Christmas, and I made enough for me and mine and approximately half of the 101st Airborne Squadron.  When the day came to an end, I threw every left over in it’s own plastic container in the freezer.  This week, I discovered I don’t have any plastic containers, so I pulled out all the leftovers.  At the sight of the leftovers, my family – very supportively – said, “Ahhhh, hellz to the no, Momma!”  (Direct quote from Tween Daughter) I had to think quick…So I made lasagna.

Ingredients:

2 c leftover stuffing or dressing (however you say it at your house)

1 c chicken stock

2 c leftover turkey or chicken or ham (whatever you eat at your house)

2 c leftover gravy

1 can’s worth of whatever leftover veggies you have (or, if you just tossed the inconsequential veggies down the drain on the big day like someone you know and love use a can of your favorite vegetables – favorite?  Who has a favorite… just a can, drained, of whatever kind of veggies are in your pantry )

1 c of your favorite shredded cheese (cheese makes everything better, can I get an “Amen?”) [Read more...]

EAT THIS! Granny Collins Casserole

funny recipe

Eat This! on Funny not Slutty – Real recipes, made real funny.

by Heather Davis

My hubby’s family tells tales of a family legend, Granny Collins and her renowned casserole. Soon after joining the family, I got a taste and it instantly became one of my all-time favorites. But Granny Collins was not a health nut.  And in our new year’s effort to be a more healthy family, I have transformed this recipe into a healthy version of its formerly fat-filled self.  And… it’s only 2 points for the whole thing!*

*I haven’t a clue as to how many points it is.  I could never figure out the whole points system and was asked to leave the points-assigning weight-loss group after a month of stepping on the scale, screaming, “What the Eff!!” and then asking to be points tutored yet again.

Ingredients

2 lbs of ground beef  ground turkey

1 brick of cream cheese  fat-free cream cheese

1 8 oz tub of sour cream  fat-free sour cream [Read more...]