Sometimes Parenting Is a Strategic Hot Mess 

New parents take note: all the horror stories you’ve heard are true. Those little bundles of joyous DNA will bring you joy mixed with terror. A piece of advice; enjoy your freedom now, because despite your best efforts to lay down the Parenting Law, they will run your life. Sometimes in the best way, others…not so much.

You will be limited in the culinary sense on a regular basis. You will not sleep past six. Your days of open affection under your own roof will be over unless you want to hear a chorus of “ewws!”. Your little darlings will keep you up all night. They will scream when you try to leave the park – for the fifth time – and they will “split” you. In therapist terms, that means as soon as you say no, Mom, they go straight to Dad and get their third bowl of Doritos. They know wassup.

And watch that potty mouth of yours. It may be your mouth, but you can’t say what you want to unless you want to hear it repeated back to you at Thanksgiving Dinner while Aunt Edna has a heart attack.

You think you’ve got it all figured out? You don’t. You just gotta roll with the punches, homies. ‘Cause sometimes parenting is nothing but a strategic hot mess.

Lyrics by Linda Roy
Music by Miley Cyrus

It’s no party, we can’t do what we want

It’s no party, we can’t say what we want

It’s no party, we can’t eat what we want

We can’t kiss when we want

We can’t sleep when we want

Ay!

Sippy cups and smelly bodies everywhere

Toys in the air like they don’t care

‘Cause they aim to have so much fun now

Least somebody else might have some now [Read more...]