Memoirs of My America – How To Live In a State of Mortification

funny avocado

For some, *ahem, me*, growing up raised by people from a different country is a hairbreadth away from being an indescribable experience. It can also provide many moments of red faced horrific distress. [Read more...]

Jersey Shore Etiquette: A PSA – Melissa Larson

By Melissa Larson

From one New Jersey beach and boardwalk lover to another, I’ve put together a Public Service Announcement for my fellow Jersey Shore goers.  These are my top ten suggestions to help us all—families, young people, old people, Bennies, and natives—to get along as we share these precious few months of summer bliss. 

People who stalk the Jersey Shore cast in Seaside Heights:  I don’t need to be shoved by roided-up security guards when I’m trying to take my run down the boardwalk, just so you can follow Snooki and Ronnie and Dip-Dip with your camera phones.  They are not the Beatles.  They are people who’ve been rewarded for behaving badly, and look at you, pumping in more quarters.  There are times in life when you are a part of the problem and not the solution.  This is one of them. [Read more...]

Slutty but Funny – Penis Envy

by Natalie Wall

love my penis funny

Male Orgasms… what are they? Where do they come from? Am I the only one who’s ever wondered want an orgasm for a guy feels like? Like, there are so many different hand motions and gyrations going on down there it must feel different, if not better. I’ve always wanted to be a guy for a day, solely so I could jerk it for 24 hours straight.

My friends have heard this question a million times, and they always privately agree with my statement. I say privately only because I always get the same reaction when I ask my girl friends if they have ever wanted a penis.

“God, you’re weird.”

Silence.

“Well it would be fun jerkin’ it, wouldn’t it?” [Read more...]